Tiger Woods the father of Al Gore's love child

Oh wait. That's not right. Tiger Woods is -- allegedly -- the father of porn star -- I mean adult film actress -- Devon James' nine-year-old son, Austin T. James. (Guess what the "T." stands for!) Per the story that has been making the rounds in the tabloids, James had an affair with Woods (though really, who hasn't?) back in 2000, got preggers, and decided not to tell Woods until the kid (who bares a striking resemblance to Tiger Woods) was six. For those interested, you can read more about the story here.

Al Gore, on the other hand, has allegedly been having a two or three-year affair with Laurie David, the mother of his Oscar-winning baby, An Inconvenient Truth. David, the now ex-wife of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm producer Larry David, however, denies the "rumor," which was first "reported" by Star Magazine (and quickly spread by the likes of The New York Daily News -- and everyone else). Because she was actually having an affair with Tiger Woods. (Okay, I made that one up. Though you never know.)

In other hot (totally meaningless) gossip, Bristol Palin, daughter of former half-term governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, is supposedly getting it on again with her baby daddy Levi Johnston, per Us Magazine. If it's true, I say "Good for them!"

Phew. I think that's enough hot gossip for one blog post, my 500th!

I now return you to your life...

Is Levi Johnston Sarah Palin's Sarah Palin?

Somewhere, Meghan McCain is rubbing her hands with glee. Levi Johnston has struck again, this time in Vanity Fair, bashing Sarah Palin's good name, or rather good parenting.

I think this line from Gail Collins' NYT column yesterday, "The Revenge of Levi," pretty much sums up the situation:

Given the fact that Johnston is a 19-year-old high school dropout whose mother was arrested last year on six felony drug counts, it is conceivable that he is not the perfect arbiter of normal families. But even if he were an Eagle Scout with a scholarship to Harvard, can you imagine anything worse than discovering your daughter’s teenage ex-boyfriend has been given a national platform to discuss his impressions of her mom’s parenting skills?

Actually, I can imagine something worse, Gail: discovering that the Republican candidate for President has given a national platform to a former hockey mom from Alaska who thinks she's an expert on foreign affairs because she can see Russia from her window. (As more than one person infamously quipped in response, "I can see the moon from my window. Does that make me an effing astronaut?")

But getting back to Levi Johnston, the Grandbaby Daddy, who has about as much credibility as Joe the Plumber (okay, maybe a bit more when it comes to the Palin family), Sarah Palin created this monster by dragging him into the national spotlight in the first place. (And I will not get into the Family Palin's hypocritical support of abstinence only education here. But let this be a lesson to all you mom's reading this: You could wind up being a grandma in your 40s, with a grandbaby daddy like Levi, if you don't educate your daughters properly about sex.)

And unlike Sarah Palin, Levi Johnston was dragged somewhat unwillingly into the media's glare. So really, she only has herself to blame. Though, like Gail Collins, I almost feel sorry for her. Almost.

This just in: Levi has apparently agreed to pose for Playgirl, albeit in skivvies. And no, I will not be checking out his spread.

In other news... Michael Jackson, now dead and buried.... Mark Sanford still governor of South Carolina.... Rod Blagojevich's tell-all hits bookstores September 8.... Jon & Kate still filled with hate.... And a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to friend of the blog Dave S.