What life would be like if the Brits had won?

If the British won the Revolutionary War (aka the American War of Independence)...

Would Thomas' English Muffins just be crumpets?

Would we go to the loo and take the lift?

Would we be eating bangers and mash instead of hot dogs and fries?

Would we be playing cricket and football instead of baseball and, um, football?

And when our team lost, would we shout "Bloody hell!" or "Bollocks!'?

Would ass have an r (arse), and words like color, flavor, and neighbor a u?

Would we find Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Benny Hill funny?

Would we be celebrating Guy Fawkes Day instead of Independence Day (July the Fourth)?

With more thoughts on the subject, I give you English writer, actor, and comedian Stephen Merchant.



Wishing you a jolly good Fourth.

Cheerio.

Everything I know about the 4th of July...

I learned from watching Schoolhouse Rock.

Ooh, there's gonna be fireworks (Fireworks!)
On the Fourth of July (red, white, and blue!)
Red, white, and blue fireworks
Like diamonds in the sky. (diamonds in the sky!)
We're gonna shoot the entire works on fireworks
That really show, oh yeah,
We declared our liberty 200 years ago.

Yeah!

In 1776 (fireworks!)
There were fireworks too (red, white, and blue!)
The original colonists,
You know their tempers blew (They really blew!)
Like Thomas Paine once wrote:
It's only common sense (only common sense)
That if a government won't give you your basic rights
You'd better get another government.

And though some people tried to fight it,
Well, a committee was formed to write it:
Benjamin Franklin, Philip Livingston,
John Adams, Roger Sherman, Thomas Jefferson,
They got it done (Oh yes they did!)
The Declaration, uh-huh-huh,
The Declaration of Independence (Oh yeah!)
In seventeen hundred seventy six (Right on!)
The Continental Congress said that we were free (We're free!)
Said we had the right of life and liberty,
...And the pursuit of happiness!

Ooh, when England heard the news, (Kerpow!)
They blew their stack (They really blew their cool!)
But the colonies lit the fuse,
There'd be no turning back (no turnin' back!)
They'd had enough of injustice now
But even if it really hurts, oh yeah,
If you don't give us our freedom now
You're gonna see some fireworks!

And on the Fourth of July they signed it
And 56 names underlined it,
And now to honor those first 13 states,
We turn the sky into a birthday cake.
They got it done (Oh yes they did!)
The Declaration, uh-huh-huh,
The Declaration of Independence (Oh yeah!)
In seventeen hundred seventy six (Right on!)
The Continental Congress said that we were free (We're free!)
Said we had the right of life and liberty,
...And the pursuit of happiness!

We hold these truths to be self-evident,
That all men are created equal
And that they are endowed by their creator
With certain inalienable rights.
That among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

And if there's one thing that makes me happy,
Then you know that it's (ooh)
There's gonna be fireworks!

As for me and the spouse, we'll be celebrating the Fourth of July at Citi Field with this guy, the Mets' All-Star Gnome. 

Because what's more American than baseball, beer... and garden gnomes dressed in baseball uniforms?

Wishing you all a happy -- and safe -- Fourth of July!

What the Founding Fathers fought for

1. The right to blow up rockets... and set the night on fire...















I just love a good fireworks display, don't you?

2. The right to watch cartoons on Saturday mornings... and occasionally learn something in the process...



Gosh, I miss Schoolhouse Rock...

3. The right to shove as many hot dogs into our pie holes as we want (aka Nathan's International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest)...

Even though six-time champion Takeru Kobayashi has threatened not to participate this year...















Mmmm... hot dogs...

4. The right to dress in funny clothes and parade around in public...


















I just love a good (or bad) parade, don't you? (Actually, not so big on parades. Like the idea, just not the reality. Ditto circuses.)

5. The right to drink a cold beer on a hot summer's day (or night)...


















Note to self: Remember to go to the liquor store later and stock up on beer.

6. The right to say "I'm proud to be an American. Happy Birthday to the USA!"

May you all have a fun -- and safe -- July 4th Weekend.

Happy Independence Day everyone!