The problem with American Idol (and The Voice)

I love a good singing competition. And for years, I avidly watched (and blogged about) American Idol. Until the show became a parody of itself and lost its ability to find or make pop (or pick your musical genre) stars. Yes, there were still some good singers -- make that very good singers. But actual stars, people who could sell lots of albums, after the glow of that season's American Idol had dimmed, who you would hear in heavy rotation on the radio? Not so much. Make that not at all. (Lee DeWho? Caleb Who's Son? Nick Fradiani anyone? And how many of you bought Candice Glover's R&B album? And how many of you even recalled any of those people before reading what I just wrote?)

Indeed, the last Idol winner or finalist who I recall ever hearing on the radio is Phillip Phillips, who won Season 11 -- and I had to look up what season he won.

The Voice, NBC's singing competition, has a similar problem. While I love the idea of the blind audition, it's really just a gimmick. And the show has yet to produce any real stars. In reality, the true stars of the show, the ones who have actually sold lots of records because of it, are the various judges, not the competitors. (While I can actually recall the names of several winners, I have yet to hear any of them on the radio or read about them selling out concert venues or selling many records -- and I've looked.)

So why hasn't either show produced any (new) stars, or produced any platinum- or gold-record sellers in the last four (or more) years? Two reasons. (And neither of them has to do with the fact that no one buys records any more.)

The first is the judges. Say what you will about Simon Cowell, but he knew how to spot and develop musical talent. That was his job as an A&R, or artists and repetoire, guy for record labels, to find and groom the next breakout music star. And he has a pretty good track record.

While Paula Abdul was a successful pop star, back in the 1980s, and Randy Jackson was a successful musician and producer, neither one of them had or has a track record, or success, spotting or grooming or marketing a great singer/star. Ditto Steven Tyler, Ellen DeGeneres, Mariah Carey, Nicki Minaj, Jennifer Lopez, Harry Connick, Jr., or Keith Urban* -- or Adam Levine, Blake Shelton, Christina Aguilera, or Gwen Stefani** -- all of whom are talented, award-winning performers. But spotting, grooming, and marketing someone, other than yourself, is a different talent.

And while Keith Urban, Jennifer Lopez, and Harry Connick, Jr., are, in my opinion, the best, as in most fun/entertaining, group of judges American Idol has had since the early days (before Paula went gaga and Randy became a cliche), their collective superstar powers have yet to identify a superstar, or even a star. And while Scott Borchetta, the American Idol mentor (which seems to involve making or supporting terrible song choices) may have signed several big names, perhaps, most notably, Taylor Swift, it would seem as though American Idol is his kryptonite.

The second reason the show has failed to produce a real winner is the American public. We suck at judging talent competitions. Or when we vote in packs we do.

All that said, I am (as of this writing) planning to watch -- and blog about (when it goes live) -- American Idol Season 15, supposedly the last season ever of American Idol. (Though never say never, or ever, in Hollywood.) And I am hoping (though not hopeful) that this season the judges and America will have finally "discovered" another star.

Stay tuned.

*No, I did not forget Kara DioGuardi, though I would like to.
** The one exception on The Voice is Pharrell Williams, but he has yet to pick a star from that competition. And before anyone says "What about Sawyer Fredericks?!" When have you heard him on the radio -- and do you know anyone who bought his album? Does he even have an album?

American Idol S13: I'm just wild about Harry (Connick, Jr.)

Congratulations, American Idol (and Fox). I'm back. Maybe.

Like so many other early American Idol fans, and Simon Cowell, I had become bored and frustrated with the show and had stopped regularly watching (and living blogging) it years ago. Indeed, last season was so painful (I'm talking to you, Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey), I couldn't even watch five minutes (though I wish Candice Glover well).

And then along comes Harry, and he wants to set them free, and let them see reality.*

FINALLY, a judge who is judgmental -- and honest. A judge who actually has the guts to tell singers "you're not the greatest singer" or that it's not just about the voice but about the whole package or that he loves their voice but they're not right for Idol. Wow. Harry, you got my vote.

Already, in just four hours worth of audition shows, Harry Connick, Jr., has earned the monickers Harsh Harry and Hatchet Harry. To which I would like to add Honest Harry and Hilarious Harry.

Maybe the producers should change the name of the show from American Idol to The Harry Connick, Jr. Hour. (Though if it did, it might lose the treasured 14-34 crowd, which it may have initially lost anyway as ratings for the premiere were the worst ever, down by around 20 percent from Season 12's premiere.)

I loved Simon Cowell, for his brutal honesty (and, okay, his British accent), but he wasn't a musician or a singer. Harry Connick, Jr., is -- as well as an actor. And he knows what it takes to make it in show biz -- and understands that being able to sing or play the piano or the guitar, even if you rock, is not enough.

To be an American Idol, you need charisma. And he's not afraid to tell contestants that they just don't have it. Connick is also not afraid to zing it to Jennifer Lopez. (Jen, I am impressed by the rocks that you got.) Or to Randy Jackson. (Jazzy and pitchy are not real words. We all know what they mean. But they're not real words. She was sharp.**) Hip hip hooray for Harry! Let's hope the honesty, hilarity, and chemistry (between the three judges) continues.

But the addition of Harry Connick, Jr., to the judges panel is not the only change to American Idol. While the contestants who received those yellow or golden tickets think they are off to Hollywood, they may not be -- thanks to the new Hollywood or Home round. A kind of pre-Hollywood Hollywood first audition, the contestants will have to sing for their airfare one more time before being admitted into the Emerald City. (Excuse the mixing of metaphors.) And there will be a couple more twists before American Idol goes live on February 26, which you can read about here.

If all goes well (i.e., the judges and contestants don't totally piss me off), I'll be back live blogging end of February (or beginning of March).

Until then, J-TWO-O out.

*Bonus points if you get the reference.
**Not an exact quote.

American Idol Top 7 sing songs from the 21st century

I wasn't going to watch American Idol tonight but couldn't find anything better to watch. (Not a Survivor fan, though rats! I forgot about Minute to Win It.) Seriously, the commercials for glee are more exciting than Idol.

Scotty McCreery. Yawn. I'm with Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson, "Swingin'" was safe bordering on boring. If Scotty the baseball player was swingin', he struck out. I give Scotty McCreery a B.

James Durbin. That. Was. Awesome. I'm not a big James Durbin fan, but his performance of Muse's "Uprising" was as good as the original. I'm with J. Lo and Randy, he killed it. Best performance of the night -- possibly of American Idol Season 10. My grade for James Durbin: A

Haley Reinhart. Even before her song choice was revealed, I knew Haley was going to sing Adele's "Rolling in the Deep." It was a no-brainer. Their voices are very similar, though Haley's version didn't sound as polished as Adele's, though I'm sure the iTunes version will sound better. I don't think Adele has anything to worry about, but a solid performance from Haley. I give Haley Reinhart an A-/B+ tonight.

Jacob Lusk. I'm already bored, and he hasn't even started singing. Nothing against Luther Vandross but "Dance with My Father" is soooo schlocky. (And before y'all get on my ass about being hard-hearted, my father died way before his time, eight years ago, and I didn't wallow in schlocky songs.) I think Jacob has a good voice, but he has to prove to me that he's more than a lounge/karaoke/cruise ship/wedding singer. (Did I leave anything out, VB?) If he makes it to next week, I'm with Randy: Jacob needs to bring it. My grade for Jacob Lusk: B

Casey Abrams. Like Maroon 5's "Harder to Breathe." And not a bad song choice for Casey. But it's almost like he's focusing so hard on the words that everything else is suffering. Not Casey's best performance. Feel like I'm watching a high school talent show -- and sorry to say, Casey would not be the winner. But what do I know? Seriously, what are the judges going nuts about? Is it so loud over there that they couldn't actually hear Casey? And does People's Most Beautiful Woman have a crush on Casey? Oy. Judges be damned, I give Casey Abrams a B/B-.

Seriously, it is a sad day when the ads are more entertaining than the show. Loved that ad for the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. And those new Capital One Venture Card ads with Alec Baldwin are pretty funny too. (And pretty persuasive. I recently got one, though it had nothing to do with vikings or Alec Baldwin and everything to do with no foreign transaction fees and 10,000 free points.)

Stefano Langone. If there is ANY justice, Stefano will be long gone by next week's show. But as we all know justice is blind. And apparently deaf. (But okay that segment on Stefano being a real big flirt was pretty funny. Sadly it was probably way more entertaining than his musical performance will be.) Oy en -- which is Ne-Yo spelled backwards. While "Come Closer" is one of Stefano's better performances and way more spirited than most of what we've seen tonight (a positive), I am still not a fan, though I bet anything Stefano will be safe again. Ack. My grade for Stefano Langone: B

Lauren Alaina. Okay, ENOUGH with the staircase fall already. Sheesh. Move on, people. So, Sara Evans' "Born to Fly"... not familiar with it. And didn't suspect Lauren had a fear of failure. Interesting. And here I thought she was a diva in training. [Listening...] I think Jimmy Iovine jinxed her. Not a bad performance but nothing special -- and will not bring down the house. Definitely not the best performance of the night, but hopefully Lauren will be safe -- and will shake the Iovine Curse. I give Lauren Alaina a B. And totally agree with Steven Tyler than Lauren should sing some Allison Kraus or Shania Twain.

Am a Scotty McCreery fan but think he may be in trouble this week. Actually, I think everyone except James and Stefano could be in big trouble. And will be PISSED if Lauren goes home. It was the same kind of constructive criticism that heralded Pia Toscano getting voted off. Just sayin'.

Okay, J-TWO-O. Back tomorrow with the results.

UPDATED 4/21/11: I thought for sure Jacob Lusk was going home tonight when he was in the bottom two, but it's Stefano Langone. And the irony (?) is last night was one of his better performances. Arrivederci Italian Stallion.

American Idol Top 9 Rock On

Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new sound
Funny, but it's still rock 'n' roll to me.

--Billy Joel

Once again, the producers of American Idol are forcing contestants to reach back to a time before they were born (or at least before they came of age musically) by choosing a song sung by a member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. So, in other words, you can expect Lauren Alaina and James Durbin to rock it out. Scotty McCreery to find a country tune. Pia Toscano to sing another ballad. And do we really care about the rest? (Yes, yes, they all can sing, but does anyone really think Jacob Lusk, Paul McDonald, Casey Abrams, Stefano Langone, or Haley Reinhart is the next American Idol? And friends and family members don't count.)

Personally, I'm hoping Steven Tyler sings "Walk This Way" with Lauren Alaina (much as he did with Carrie Underwood at the CMAs this Sunday).

Will tonight be a revelation (à la Motown night) or just a bad regurgitation of rock 'n' roll oldies (à la Elton John night)? (Two-time Rock and Roll Hall of Famer guitarist Jeff Beck already bowed out of tonight's American Idol, which cannot be a good sign, though it was supposedly due to scheduling. Uh-huh.) We are about to find out.

First up...

Jacob Lusk singing "Man in the Mirror": Dang, I was psyched to hear him sing "Let's Get It On." "Main in the Mirror"? Not so much. Yawn. [Listening -- and trying not to focus on the blindingly white outfit Jacob's wearing.] So far... pitchy. Very karaoke or Up with People -- the Love Boat Edition. ("Cheese," says the husband.) Well, this is one case where I wish he hadn't made a change for once in his life. Not to repeat myself but... to repeat myself, that was just alright for me, dawgs. It was predictable, safe, and boring. Yeah, the dude can sing, but that performance did NOTHING for me. At best it was lukewarm, Randy, not hot. Our grade for Jacob Lusk: a B, for Boring.

Haley Reinhart singing Janis Joplin's "Piece of My Heart": A good song choice for Haley, but I'm just not feeling the love -- or the connection. I think I'd like it better if I was just listening to her not watching her. But that said one of Haley's better performances -- and no way could I perform in those stilettos. Our grade for Haley Reinhart: B+

Casey Abrams singing "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?": Personally, I have seen enough rain. But I'm willing to give Casey and his bass a space under my umbrella. (Seriously, what instrument hasn't Casey played? When's he breaking out the kazoo and the ukulele?) Not my favorite Casey performance, but I liked it -- and DING! DING! DING! it took only six seconds for Randy to mention he also played bass. Our grade for the man with the stand-up bass (aka Casey Abrams): A-

Lauren Alaina singing "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman": Anyone else think Lauren totally looks like Belinda Carlisle of the Go-Gos tonight? Anyone? Anyone skeeved out by Steven Tyler's creepy "natural woman" comment? Anyone? And anyone going "Aretha Franklin?! '(You make me feel like) A Natural Woman' is a Carole King song!" What else can I say? It was a good, albeit predictable, performance from Lauren -- and she will totally be safe no matter what I write. Our grade for Lauren Alaina: B+

James Durbin singing "While My Guitar Gently Weeps": The question is, Will I be weeping? [Listening -- while spouse and daughter hug it out next to me.] Where's my lighter? [Swaying with arms over head.] I like that James changed it up; the scream? Not so much. Did we really need that, James? Really? SIGH. Still, a good performance, though the spouse (the guitar player and erstwhile rocker) just stated "bad song choice." Our grade for James Durbin: B- from J-THREE-O and the spouse; I give it a B/B+

Scotty McCreery singing "That's All Right Mama": Finally, some Elvis ! Kind of a cheesy performance but OMG the VOICE! [Swoon] Seriously, listen back to Scotty's performance tomorrow without looking at him hamming it up and tell me he does not fit right into the Million Dollar Quartet. Scotty McCreery for the win! (I am starting to feel like the female Steven Tyler, though I have no designs on the young Mr. McCreery.) Our grade for Scotty McCreery: A

Pia Toscano singing "River Deep, Mountain High": Never pictured Pia as Tina Turner but am willing to suspend my disbelief -- for three minutes. [Is it just me or does Pia kinda look like a brunette Gwen Stefani?] Pia can sing, but I'm just feeling that Tina Turner energy that this song requires. It's almost like she's just going through the motions, but as the spouse just said "She's got some pipes." [What Jennifer Lopez meant was "We know you can sing, Pia, but you really need to connect more with what you are singing and play to the audience more."] Our grade for Pia Toscano: A/A-

Stefano Langone singing "When a Man Loves a Woman": No. Just no. N-O, Tony Danza. Time for this lounge act to end. Waiter! Check please. Sorry, Stefano fans. Again, the guy can sing, but there are a million guys out there -- performing at bar mitvahs, weddings, and on cruise ships -- who sing just as well. And J-THREE-O is really bored (and played solitaire the whole song). Yeah, it may have been his best performance to date, but like Randy, I was not jumping up and down (or moving at all). Our grade for Stefano Langone: B/B-

And finally...

Paul McDonald singing "Folsom Prison Blues": Bad. Song. Choice. Nobody messes with Johnny Cash. Nobody. The only plus: We got rid of that red-and-white floral jacket (and the matching pants). "I can't believe he's lasted this long," just commented the spouse. Neither can I, honey, and I liked Paul's voice. Though this is one of his better performances. What? Rod Stewart's not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Paul? (For the record, he was inducted in 1994.) "Should have done Maggie May." Yup. Our grade for Paul McDonald: C/C+

That's it for me, rock 'n' rollers. As per usual will update the post tomorrow. J-TWO-O out.

UPDATE: I am officially DONE with American Idol. Pia Toscano is going home and the likes of Stefano, Paul, and Jacob are SAFE?! I blame this entirely on the judges. That's what happens when you tell everyone he's a star. Bet they're sorry they used the save on Casey Abrams. Well, no more American Idol blogging for me -- and not so sure I'm going to be watching. Hope the producers are happy now.

American Idol Top 11 try to do Sir Elton John proud

First the good news (for the remaining 11 American Idol contestants): All 11 of them are going on the summer tour -- and pocketing a big chunk of change as a result. Now the bad news: instead of one contestant going home tomorrow, two will be. Though depending on who those two are, it could be welcome news for me (and millions or thousands of other frustrated American Idol viewers).

And while there are many -- and I mean many -- great Elton John songs to choose from*, including lots of ballads for Pia, Thia, and Stefano to warble, and last week's Songs of Motown theme went down waaaay better than feared, I do not have high hopes for Elton John night. (Were most of these kids even born when Sir Elton had his biggest success or are we going to be hearing a lot from The Lion King? How much y'all wanna bet that Thia Megia -- who I am so tempted to call Thingy Majiggy -- sings "Can You Feel the Love Tonight"?)

Wonder if Casey Abrams will sing "I'm Still Standing"... (though I think "Honky Cat" is a better choice vocally)

ANYWAY, on with the show.

Scotty McCreery singing (big suprise! not!) "Country Comfort": Okay, I didn't realize Elton John actually released a country song. So this should be a no-brainer for Scotty. Though it would have been fun to see him wearing a pair of big glasses with sequins and a feather boa -- and high-heeled cowboy boots (for Steven Tyler). [Listening.] So... what can I say? ("It's Alfred E. Newman!" said the spouse.) Another solid if not awe-inspiring performance from Mr. Country Music. We give Scotty McCreery an A-.

Naima Adedapo singing "I'm Still Standing," as a reggae song: (She was my second choice for singing "I'm Still Standing," though it will be ironic if she goes home tomorrow. And the way Jimmy Iovine set that up it doesn't sound like he has a whole lot of confidence in Naima.) So... I like it. Who knew Elton John was like "this" with Bob Marley? (Though they probably knew each other.) Seriously, I would download this song. "It's the best thing she's done," said the spouse. Yup. Even J-THREE-O dug it. WHA?! What you talkin' 'bout Jennifer Lopez? Randy mon? You too? That was NOT corny. Guess J. Lo and the Dawg want Naima gone. Hm. Our grade for Naima Adedapo: A-

Paul McDonald singing "Rocket Man": Dude, lose the jacket -- and the pants. And... is Paul high? (Probably not but he sounds like he's on something.) Don't know about all of you, but this rocket misfired. Did it crash and burn? Eh, wasn't that bad but it totally didn't work for me. It was... listless. No spark. That jacket has way more flash than that performance had. Time to send Paul home. Our grade for Paul McDonald: B-

Pia Toscano singing "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me": Oh goody, another ballad from Pia! (Shoot me.) And I totally don't believe she's going to "get us moving" next week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Pia can sing -- and fill out a dress nicely. But I am so BORED. All of her performances sound the same -- and to me lack real emotion. (But the spouse really liked it.) Clearly guys love her, people without penises, not as much. Our grade for Pia Toscano: A for singing (and styling), B for boring (from me and J-THREE-O). Hope she does shake things up next week. (Btw, you could level the same criticism at Scotty.)

Stefano "Hey, Doesn't He Kinda Look Like Tony Danza?" Langone singing "Tiny Dancer": OMG, is Stefano wearing a Rasta cap?! Also, is that a death sentence Jimmy Iovine has just pronounced on the Italian stallion? (Do I see a horse's head in Stefano's future -- or bed?) More importantly, when can I get off this cruise ship? I'm starting to get a little sea sick. You had a busy day today, Stefano. But will the Tiny Dancer live to see another week? Maybe. Our grade for Stefano "Long Gone" Langone: B [H/T to friend of the blog VB for the Tony Danza ID.]

Lauren Alaina singing "Candle in the Wind": I know this sounds (is) catty but could American Idol please flip for Louis Licari to fly out and properly color Lauren's hair? She's a very attractive girl, but she needs a professional to cover those brown roots properly. (She also could stand to lose 15-20 pounds.) That said, the girl can sing. It was a beautiful, "sensitive" performance. [And a great comedic performance by Steven Tyler.] And I'm really liking Lauren again. Our grade for Lauren Alaina: A

James Durbin singing "Saturday Night's Alright (for Fighting)": Faint praise (?) again from Jimmy Iovine. Doesn't bode well.... Hmm... why does this performance remind me of the Bay City Rollers, and not in a good way? (And yes, I know it's not the same Saturday song, people.) "His singing is just not that good," said the spouse. And, uh, what's the deal with the flaming piano? Is that to distract us from James's mediocre singing (and big ears)? Can't believe the judges loved it. It was off-key and derivative -- definitely not a great singing performance. Not big James fans. Our grade for James Durbin: C

Thia Megia singing "Daniel": SIGH. I've had it with this chick. She will no doubt be safe, but I want her gone. Again, she can sing, but enough with the plodding ballads. The girl is 16. Stop acting like you're 66. Heck, I know 66 year olds who act younger than Thia. To her credit, this is her best ballad to date -- no doubt because she can relate to the lyrics. But OMG could it be any slower?! I've heard faster funeral dirges. Actually, the way Thia's singing "Daniel," it sounds like a funeral dirge. And, oh God, are those TEARS?! No way is J. Lo going to be able to say anything negative now. Though bravo to Randy for keeping it real, dawgs. And Steven Tyler may have nailed it when he said she sang a great song well (as in not great). Our grade for Thia Megia: B (for Boring)

Casey Abrams (who is dating Haley Reinhart and didn't shave off his beard and mustache) singing not "Honky Cat" (boo) but "Your Song": BAD SONG CHOICE, especially after he was almost eliminated last week. Proof that lust makes men stupid. (Btw, that funny feeling inside? It's ulcerative colitis, which Casey suffers from.) Like Casey, didn't like that performance. But he's probably safe after the big save. Our grade for Casey Abrams: A-/B+ (I was underwhelmed but the spouse liked it. Put the kid to sleep though.)

Jacob Lusk singing "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word": It also seems to be the hardest word for the judges to utter, along with "that sucked." Well, so much for not over-dramatizing.... [The dry ice machines are working overtime.] It's sad. So sad. It's a sad sad situation when a contestant sounds like he's performing in a cruise ship lounge. What have you got to do to make me love you, Jacob? Cut the cheese and just sing the damn song. Not a good song choice (though great blog fodder). I don't care what Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez say: Hated it. Our grade for Jacob Lusk: B-

Haley Reinhart singing "Bennie and the Jets": Not liking this arrangement. At all. And this was one of my favorite Elton John-Bernie Taupin songs -- until tonight. Another bad song choice. SIGH. Too screechy. And I have NO idea what Jennifer Lopez or Randy Jackson are talking about. WHA?! Our grade for Haley Reinhart: B

Personally, I thought Motown night was waaaaay better.

Can't wait for Idol to go down to one hour.

Will add who got voted off tomorrow night. J-TWO-O out.

*Not that you asked or care but my favorite Elton John songs are (in no particular order) "Crocodile Rock," "Bennie and the Jets," "The Bitch Is Back," "Daniel" (one of the very few ballads I like -- of any artist -- though now I think I hate it), "Honky Cat," "I'm Still Standing," "Island Girl," and "Take Me to the Pilot."

UPDATE 1: VB informs me that she didn't mean Stefano Langone looks like Tony Danza (though he does) but that "Tiny Dancer" sounds like "Tony Danza," as in "Hold me closer, Tony Danza." Oooooh. Also, I meant to add that I still think the Top 3 will be Lauren Alaina, Scotty McCreery, and Pia Toscano.

UPDATE 2: Say goodbye to Thia and Naima. (Next to go: either Paul or Stefano.)

American Idol Top 11: Motown = Mo of the same? (UPDATED)

What happened to American Idol taking a fresh new approach in Season 10, shaking things up a bit? Cause except for a couple of new judges (Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez), I'm seeing and hearing same old, same old. And now we get yet another tired American Idol theme night, the songs of Motown.

I've got nothing against the songs and sounds of Motown, but been there done that -- multiple times. Guess American Idol sponsor Ford thought it would be good for business.

Anyway, on with the show....

[Judges aside: What is with J. Lo's ballerina outfit and the light-blue eye shadow and over-rouging? I love J. Lo and think she's fierce, but... she's not 19 anymore.]

Casey Abrams singing "I Heard It through the Grapevine": Good song choice for Casey. The boy's got soul. I heard it through the grapevine that Casey's making it into the Top 10. My grade for the pinstripe-suit-wearing Mr. Abrams: A. (I agree with Steven Tyler: Casey Abrams is a [great] entertainer. But then again so was Taylor Hicks. The big question: What kind of album would Casey make, and would it sell? That said, he's got my vote.)

Thia Megia singing "Heat Wave": Finally, something up tempo (in theory). So listen, I know the girl can sing -- and this is definitely a better choice for Thia, but... she still doesn't sound like a 16-year-old, and she kinda turned it into a ballad. I have a feeling the judges will love it, but it was just all right for me, dawg. ("Let loose"?! Really? Yikes. Though J. Lo was dead on with the acting/connecting to the lyrics comment. Good call. And I agree with Randy Jackson that she kicked it up a notch tonight, though still has more to do.) My grade for Thia Megia: B+

Jacob Lusk singing "You're All I Need to Get By": Another good song choice (in theory). But... toooo sloooow. Don't know bout y'all but I like me some fireworks. Again, Jacob has a beautiful voice and has good stage presence but it seems like he's holding back (and that jacket is doing him no favors. Get me wardrobe -- stat!). Jacob will definitely make it into the Top 10, but it was not an OMG performance. Sorry Randy. My grade for Jacob Lusk: A-

Lauren Alaina singing "You Keep Me Hanging On": So is Lauren a little diva? Is American Idol creating a monster? Hmm... But getting back to Lauren's performance, she sounds as though she's still not feeling 100 percent. Again, the girl's got mad vocals, and a big personality, but she seems a bit subdued tonight (though props to her stylist and makeup artist). Our grade for Lauren Alaina (cause the spouse is in the house): A-/B+. She can do better, though she'll totally make it into the Top 10.

Stefano Langone singing "Hello": Goodbye. I HATE "Hello." Actually hate is not a strong enough word. Hearing "Hello" makes me want to cut myself or curl up in a ball. So the fact I am actually listening to this is a supreme act of selflessness. No, Stefano, it is not you I am looking for. And I don't really think you love me. But I know of a couple of cruise ships that are hiring. You want to win my heart? Promise me you will never ever sing a Lionel Richie song again. EVER. Sigh. Made it. Based on the song choice alone, I would give Stefano an F, but based on vocals, and the spouse, we give Stefano Langone's performance a B-. (Jennifer Lopez may be right, though not in the way she meant: after tonight's performance Stefano may be flying off the stage... home.)

Haley Reinhart singing "You Really Got a Hold on Me": Okay, she's got a hold on me. And got some good advice and direction from Jimmy Iovine. Good performance. Really like her voice, and she's definitely connecting better, but she's just not exciting the spouse (a former musician), which doesn't bode well. The problem for Haley is still: Who is she? What kind of artist does she want to be? She sang the song very well, but that's not enough to win it. She should be safe this week. My grade for Haley Reinhart: B+/A-

Scotty McCreery singing "For Once in My Life": Beware the lounge singer (aka the Curse of Simon Cowell)! Love Scotty, but I suddenly feel like I'm watching an episode of Hee Haw or an old episode of Live from the Grand Ole Opry. YES, Steven Tyler, that totally sounded like Glen Campbell, but not in a good way. I agree, it wasn't Scotty's best performance, but he should be safe (fingers crossed). Our grade Scotty McCreery: B ("It was cheesy," said the spouse.)

Pia Toscano singing "All in Love Is Fair": Don't know it, but that may not mean anything. Sounds like Jimmy Iovine has already decided she's a winner (if not the winner). And that outfit is definitely going to win Pia some votes. But... I'm bored. Yawn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she too has mad vocals (to quote Randy Jackson, "the girl can sing!"), but that performance left me flat. Please, Pia, could you sing something up tempo? Please? Enough with the ballads. Like J. Lo, I need more. Our grade for Pia Toscano: B/B+. Again, she's safe, but she needs to switch it up.

Paul McDonald singing "Tracks of My Tears": Heck, everything makes Paul jump around the stage. And it sounds like Jimmy Iovine is a big Paul fan. Interesting. Like Paul's voice, and glad he's feeling better this week, but he's just not wowing me with this performance. I think it was the wrong song choice. And his pawing at the stage like a horse is disconcerting. (Hate to break it to you, Paul, but you're not the life of this party, at least not tonight.) Our grade for Paul McDonald: B

Naima Adedapo singing "Dancing in the Street": Finally, another up tempo song. Yay! ("Not expecting good things from her," says the spouse, the killjoy.) And I'm lovin' her outfit and look. You go, girl. A little too slow, but at least it's not pitchy! I will say this for Naima, she definitely owns the stage and always looks likes she's having fun. Just wish she'd focus a bit more on her singing. Still, not bad, dawg, not bad. We give Naima Adedapo a B (a compromise between my B+ and the spouse's B-, who keeps saying "she's just not that good" and "this is why you need Simon Cowell").

James Durbin singing "Living for the City": Sorry, can't get past James Durbin as Adam Lambert Lite. Yes, he can sing, but whenever I see and hear him I am instantly reminded of Adam, who I thought was way more original. Good performance, but I just don't see a "wow" factor, though I'm not a 16-year-old girl (or Jennifer Lopez). To once again quote (the old) Randy Jackson, it was just all right for me, dawg. But James is totally in the Top 10. Our grade for James Durbin: B+

All right, Idol fans, that's it for me tonight. Will be back tomorrow to add who got voted off.

J-TWO-O out.

UPDATED 3/24/11: Wow. Wow. Wow. I cannot believe Casey Abrams was in the bottom three -- and that America chose Stefano Langone over him. WTF America?! Hurray for the judges' save. Note to self: Vote for Casey next week. Just when you think American Idol cannot surprise...

American Idol Top 12 perform songs from the year they were born

Why don't American Idol producers just call it Lite FM or Classic Rock Night instead of "Songs from the Year the Performers Were Born"? I know, I know: that would scare viewers -- and the point of the evening or exercise is to see if American Idol contestants can make these 15- or 20- or 25-year-old songs sound contemporary. Yeah, good luck with that.

I am already bored and depressed by American Idol Season 10 after initially being excited, mainly by the new judges (note to Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez: we won't hate you if you tell someone they sucked) and (supposedly) more contemporary approach and producers. I thought I was going to get new and exciting this season. Instead I'm hearing same old, same old. Paging Simon Cowell's X Factor.

Granted, there is nothing truly new under the sun -- or on the Idol stage: James Durbin is Adam Lambert 2.0 (the hetero version); Lauren Alaina is a younger Kelly Clarkson; and Casey Abrams (whom I think is very talented) is a younger, hipper Taylor Hicks (whom I also really liked -- as did millions of American Idol voters). But I was hoping for... I don't know. Some excitement.

ANYWAY, on with the show, which is live this week.

NAIMA ADEDAPO singing Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do with It": OMG, stop with the water works already, Naima. Get a grip, girl. (Listening.) Erg. Uh. Merp. Not good, dawg. Not good at all. Very pitchy -- or as we now say, she was really off-key. WHA?! Steven Tyler LOVED that?! Are you kidding me? What's in his cup? OMG, did Jennifer Lopez just say that Naima is consistently pitchy?! Hallelujah! And yes, Randy, the vocals were a mess. FINALLY, the judges are getting tough. I like Naima Adedapo, but she is not this year's American Idol -- and unless someone does a whole lot worse, she's gone. My grade for that performance: C

PAUL MCDONALD singing Elton John's "Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues": Question: How does Paul sing when his pants are so tight? Just curious. Though the bigger problem is his cold. "Not good," says the spouse. And I have to agree. I think it's the laryngitis, but still... it's not a good performance. Very pitchy -- and just weird. I feel bad for the guy, because we know he can sing, but that was a hot mess. And J. Lo, it did NOT sound good. (So much for Jennifer Lopez getting tough -- or at least honest.) Thank God for Randy Jackson? Our grade for Paul McDonald (cause the spouse is watching with me): C

THIA MEGIA singing Vanessa Williams' "Colors of the Wind": Bleh. Yawn. Why is this 16-year-old singing like some 50-something lounge act? Simon Cowell would be all over her. Again, thank you, Randy Jackson. That was boring as hell -- and the only reason it was safe was because Naima and Paul were worse. Memo to Thia: STOP SINGING BALLADS. Remember the magic two words: SONG CHOICE. Balladeers don't make it to the top. Our grade for Thia Megia: B-

JAMES DURBIN singing Bon Jovi's "I'll Be There for You": Is everyone going to be off-key tonight? SIGH. Sadly, James Durbin is no Jon Bon Jovi. Also, is it me, or does this arrangement seem really slow? Maybe it's just because I'm bored. Again, don't know what Steven Tyler was listening to. That performance was mediocre at best -- not great, J. Lo. Though it was better than the previous three performances. Anyone else missing Adam Lambert? Our grade for James Durbin: B

HALEY REINHART singing Whitney Houston's "I'm Your Baby Tonight": Is she trying to sing "I'm Your Baby Tonight" as a country song? A jazz standard? I'm confused. What I want from you -- and the rest of the Idol contestants -- Haley, is one really exciting, pitch-perfect performance. Really, is that too much to ask? Uh-oh, the dreaded "You look so beautiful tonight," from Jennifer Lopez. So you know something bad is coming. Ding ding ding. Haley's performance did sound forced. And Randy's right on: it was just OK. So is Haley the one going home tomorrow? Can we send all five of them home tomorrow? Cause I don't think I can take this for another two-plus months. Our grade for Haley Reinhart: B-

STEFANO LANGONE singing Simply Red's "If You Don't Know Me By Now": Of all the songs Stefano could have chosen.... Sigh. Why do I feel like I'm at a wedding -- that's winding down? The sad thing is, so far this is the best performance, vocally, of the evening. But I am soooo bored. "Schmaltz," says the husband. Bleh, says J-TWO-O. (J-THREE-O has stopped watching Idol.) For the record, I said it was the best performance of the evening before Randy did. Ahem. Our grade for Stefano Langone: B+ (barely)

PIA TOSCANO singing Whitney Houston's "Where Do Broken Hearts Go": Can the producers please ban Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, and Mariah Carey songs? Pleeeease. Where do broken hearts go? They watch American Idol and blog about it... week after week. SIGH. I like Pia's voice, and she's on key, but it's a very safe, very boring song and performance. I want to hear her sing something that gets me out of my seat, not falling asleep in it. But I know the judges will love it. Ding ding ding. Thanks for proving my point, Steven Tyler (and J. Lo and Randy). And that's up tempo? Geez. Maybe for a funeral. Our grade for Pia Toscano (who I predict will make it into the Top 3): A-/B+

SCOTTY MCCREERY singing Travis Tritt's "Can I Trust You with My Heart": Quick aside: The spouse swears that Scotty looks like Alfred E. Newman, and I have to agree. He also agrees with me that Scotty can sing -- and will have a career whether or not he wins Idol. Not my favorite song, but I do love Scotty's voice -- and he brings it every time. At some point, he's going to have to branch out, but you know what? I think he'll be fine. I don't know if he can trust me with his heart, but he can trust me with a vote. For me that was the best performance of the evening. Our grade for Scotty McCreery: A-

KAREN RODRIGUEZ singing Taylor Dane's "Love Will Lead You Back": Just. Shoot. Me. "CHEESE," says the spouse. Make that Cheez Whiz. "But she's got some serious boots." That spouse, he can find the good in anything. "And she's got some serious hair." True dat. She's also got some serious pitch problems. Yet another uninspiring, boring performance. Yawn. Karen will be safe this week, but she's a goner. Our grade for Karen Rodriguez: B (for bleh)

CASEY ABRAMS singing Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit": Pretty gutsy move. "He takes the prize for the night," says the spouse -- and I have to agree. "It was so anti-Thia," he added, which was a compliment. And I liked it too. HAVE NO IDEA WHAT J. LO WAS BITCHIN' ABOUT. OMG, SHUT UP, Randy. It's not all about you. And I disagree about it not being great vocally. Thought it was a great performance. In fact, it may have been my favorite of the evening, mainly because it didn't bore me -- and I like Casey (though those blinding white calves!). Our grade for Casey Abrams: A/A-

LAUREN ALAINA singing Melissa Etheridge's "I'm Not the Only One" with the flu: Good song choice, but no song is going to sound great when you have the flu. Someone get the contestants a family-size bottle of hand sanitizer -- stat. (Wonder how many contestants are going to make it to the results show tomorrow?) Considering Lauren has the flu, not bad, dawg. Not bad. Not great, but clearly the girl can sing -- and that was MUCH better than the first four performances tonight. And props to Lauren for giving it her all despite having the flu (and clearly not being 100%). We give Lauren Alaina an A-, and if she had been healthy, I bet it would be an A. (She is so going to be in the Top 3.)

JACOB LUSK singing Heart's "Alone": I hear the ticking of the clock -- and can't wait for Idol to be OVER. Love Heart, not loving Jacob's performance of "Alone." Just not working for me. Bad song choice. And Jacob can sing. Just too outside his wheelhouse -- and pitchy. The judges will love it though -- and Jacob will be safe. Our grade for Jacob Lusk: A-/B+

That's it for me, fellow American Idol masochists (i.e., viewers who watch American Idol week after week expecting something different). Will post who got sent home tomorrow tonight. My prediction as to who will be in the Top 3 this year: Pia Toscano, Scotty McCreery, and Lauren Alaina -- and, if he stays healthy, Casey Abrams (making it my Top 4 pick).

UPDATED: And Karen Rodriguez gets voted off Idol island. Should have been Naima, based on singing, but Karen was destined to adios eventually (IMO).

American Idol Season 10: The Top 13 Perform (though not very well)

So instead of weeks of semifinals, this season of American Idol we went from having the Top 12 Guys and Top 12 Girls straight to the Top 13, period. Isn't 13 supposed to be unlucky? Clearly, it will be unlucky for someone (or possibly two someones).

Also, just like last week, tonight's episode of American Idol was pre-taped (boo), supposedly to iron out some technical stuff before the show goes live next week (uh huh).

The only good news about tonight's American Idol being pre-taped is that a lot of info about the show has already leaked out, including tonight's theme, Your Personal Idol (who has not recorded anything relevant in over 15 years). Oy. And the order. And who's singing what. Double uh oh.

Anyway, on with the show!

Lauren Alaina - "Any Man of Mine" (Shania Twain). Raise your hand if you thought Lauren Alaina was a rocker? (Okay, hands down. Wait, when did Don Was become a Hassid?) Also, why did the producers put Lauren first? I thought they liked her. And why do I feel like I'm watching an episode of Hee Haw or Live from the Grand Ole Opry? SIGH. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the girl can sing. But -- all together now: SONG CHOICE SONG CHOICE SONG CHOICE. And that one SUCKED. Did Jimmy Iovine recommend that? Just doesn't make sense. And you know it had to be bad if Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez (gently) panned it. My grade for Lauren Alaina: B-. (J-THREE-O, who is making tomorrow's lunch in the kitchen, just shouted up "I give Lauren a B+!") If she makes it to next week, please let her sing a rock song.

NEXT!

Casey Abrams - "With a Little Help from My Friends" (Joe Cocker). Aw, Casey was a cute kid! (Yikes! I'm being blinded by Casey's super white calves! Make him put on long pants! PHEW.) What would I do if you sang out a tune? Well, Casey, if you don't sing it out of key, I may vote for you. Okay, I'm digging it. Good song choice. (See kids, this is how you choose a song.) I'm thinking Casey Abrams is going to have a lot of friends after this performance -- and will definitely get by (the judges). Survey says: A. (Really like Casey but I got two words for you: Taylor Hicks.)

Ashthon Jones - "When You Tell Me That You Love Me" (Diana Ross). Is ANYONE surprised Ashthon chose a Diana Ross song? Anyone? And if she screws up, can we blame that producer? And... Ashthon is no Diana Ross. Not even close. SIGH. In the words of (the old) Randy Jackson: Yo, I love you, but that was kinda pitchy, dawg. Sorry, Ashthon, no way can I tell you that I love you. That was BAD. (And I can NOT believe Randy liked it. And did Steven Tyler just ding her performance? I do believe he did. Ditto J. Lo. Though she had to go and do a backflip at the end. SIGH. Paging Simon Cowell.) Our grade for Ashthon Jones: B-. Bad song choice.

Paul McDonald - "Come Pick Me Up" (Ryan Adams). Mea culpa. When I read this week's American Idol's spoilers I thought Paul was singing Bryan Adams. Though right now, I'm wishing he had. I'm also getting dizzy watching Paul jump up and down and skip all over the stage. Stand still and SING the dang song, Paul. Two words: HATED IT. It was off key and boring as heck. Paul will probably make it another week, but he could be in the bottom three. My grade (cause everyone else left): B/B-.

Just curious: How many J. Lo commercials you think we're going to see tonight?

Pia Toscano - "All By Myself" (Celine Dion). Oooo shiny. Nice dress, Pia! (Though what is up -- or down -- with the pink chiffon train?) Let's just hope that dress won't be the best part of tonight's performance.... Anyone else feel like they're in the lounge of some Portuguese cruise ship? Anybody? Wait... what?! Really, J. Lo? Really? I mean, it wasn't bad. But no way was that anywhere near Celine Dion -- or Pia's best performance. Seriously, I don't know what the judges heard. Have they heard the Celine Dion version? SIGH. I give Pia Toscano a B+ because I know she can sing, and she has really good hair.

James Durbin - "Maybe I'm Amazed" (Paul McCartney). Maybe I'll be amazed. Would be nice. Cause so far this season of American Idol is another big disappointment. Okay, I like James Durbin's voice (minus the Adam Lambert scream), but I swear the song is waaaay tooo sloooow. Liked his first version in the rehearsal. But clearly, what do I know? You KNOW the judges will LOVE it. (Ding ding ding, Randy Jackson drops the "Journey" card! FINALLY.) Dudes, I give James Durbin a B+ (bordering on an A-).

Haley Reinhart - "Blue" (LeAnn Rimes). And now... (off-key) YODELING! Yee-haw! Yup, that there American Idol show's got it all. I am seriously speechless. Also, was the whole show taped in slo-mo? Again, I totally prefer the original. (This wasn't even close.) But Haley can sing. I give Haley Reinhart a B, for boring. Nice dress and hair, though.

Jacob Lusk - "I Believe I Can Fly" (R. Kelly). I believe this was the wrong song for Jacob, whom I love. (Though I loved the Space Jam reference.) Just not exciting me. And he was sharp, which is surprising. SIGH. I give Jacob Lusk a B (for boring me -- and I so wanted to love his performance).

Anyone else think having Jimmy Iovine and his posse "mentor" the contestants was a bad idea? Also, really missing Simon Cowell about now.

Thia Megia - "Smile" (Michael Jackson). Does ANYONE attribute "Smile" to Michael Jackson?! And I don't remember Charlie Chaplin being a recording artist. (Did they even have Idol back then? Or records?) Not smiling. They I don't hate it either. Still, would be nice if they could PICK UP THE FRIGGIN' BEAT. The girl is 16 years old and sounds and looks like she's on the Lawrence Welk Show. Like Thia Megia's voice, but not a great song choice. I give it a B. Hope she switches it up next week. (And hope the judges do too. Seriously, what's the point of having judges if they don't judge?!)

Hey Idol producers, did we really need to see Thia crying? No way she's getting voted off tonight now.

Stefano Langone - "Lately" (Stevie Wonder). Why do I find it hard to believe a) that Stefano's personal idol is Stevie Wonder and b) that this was the best Stevie Wonder song for him? (That would be a rhetorical question.) I think Randy Jackson's face just said it all. WHA?! "Goodbye" Stefano. You may last another week, but if you keep singing songs like "Lately," you won't be around much longer -- and I don't see Celebrity Cruises hiring you anytime soon. Seriously, I have NO IDEA what the judges were listening to. That did NOT sound great. At all. I give Stefano Langone a B-, though I am really wishing the judges has chosen Lauren Turner instead of him.

Karen Rodriguez - "I Could Fall in Love" (Selena). Oh. My. God. Can Jennifer Lopez recuse herself? I can't believe Karen chose a Selena song. By which I mean, I totally believe it. And I swear J. Lo wore THAT SAME OUTFIT in the movie. Freaky! Sorry, Karen, but no way am I falling in love with you. ("Star Search!" just shouted the spouse, who has rejoined me -- and I don't think he meant it in a good way.) Yet another mediocre, karaoke, Portuguese cruise ship performance. And is that criticism I just heard from Jennifer Lopez? Whoa. Totally agree with Randy: YAWN. "She's gone," said the spouse, and I've got to agree. We give Karen Rodriguez a C, as in Ciao (and I don't mean hello).

Save us, Scotty McCreery!

Scotty McCreery - "The River" (Garth Brooks). Yet another boring song choice, but I still like Scotty. (I got nothing snarky to say, people. This show has worn me down, and, like I said, I really like Scotty. "He's the real deal," said the spouse. And he loves baseball -- Scotty, though the spouse likes it too, but probably not as much as I do.) We give Scotty McCreery an A.

Naima Adedapo - "Umbrella" (Rihanna). She's off key but I think "Umbrella" was an okay song choice for Naima -- and I'm loving her dance moves and that little reggae twist halfway through. Not bad, not bad. We give Naima Adedapo a B+.

Well, thank God that's over. Will add who got booted off Idol Island tomorrow night. J-TWO-O out.

UPDATED: Not a bring suprise, Ashthon went home. Yawn.

American Idol Season 10: Top 12 Girls - UPDATED (with results)

So much for "going live." As some (or many) of you may have read, last night and tonight's American Idol semifinal performances were pre-taped -- the guys on Friday, the girls on Monday. So producers had plenty of time to edit the film -- and bleep Steven Tyler. Feh.

Still, I'm looking forward to tonight's performances as I think the women of American Idol are due for a win -- and this year's crop of female Idol hopefuls are more promising than what I saw last night (though tonight could prove me wrong).

And now without further ado, the Top 12 Girls...

Ta-Tynisa Wilson: Ouch. Pitchy pitchy pitchy. Remind me why after BOMBING during Hollywood Week Ta-Tynisa was put through? Well, Rhianna has nothing to worry about. That was DREADFUL. Wait... WHA?! I don't know WTF Steven Tyler was talking about -- or listening to. Ditto Jennifer Lopez. Did I mention it was DREADFUL? (Randy: Sharp is an understatement.) We give Ta-Tynisa Wilson a C-, because we're feeling generous. But if she makes it to the finals we will be SHOCKED. We say Ta-Ta to Ta-Tynisa.

Naima Adedapo: Gee, "Summertime," because we haven't heard that before. :-/ But, gotta admit, I'm kinda grooving on Naima's upbeat arrangement. Definitely not a Fantasia clone. (Not that I thought she was.) Gotta give the girl some props. Now that was a good performance. We give her an A-. (The spouse liked it but said "That was a little 'Star Search'ish." Paging Ed McMahon? He also wants to know what that thing on Ryan Seacrest's head is. J-THREE-O thinks it's a hedgie, aka a hedgehog.)

Kendra Chantelle: Remind me who Kendra was? OK thanks. ("Some shoes," said the spouse.) Well, I think it's impossible that Kendra is the next American Idol, but that was a solid performance. Not going to vote for her, but may be enough to get her into the finals -- but she's no Christina Aguilera, at least in the singing department. We give Kendra Chantelle (what a name) a B/B+. ("Bad song choice," said the spouse. "Totally forgettable," said J-THREE-O.)

Rachel Zevita: Can totally see her at some cabaret in NYC -- not so much as the next American Idol. Wow, harsh, Randy. I didn't think it was that bad -- or that Broadway. She did go waaaay sharp. More importantly, both the spouse and I can totally see me wearing that dress. Wonder wear she got it. We give Rachel Zevita a B- ("though that may be generous," said the spouse; I was going to give her a B).

Karen Rodriguez: HATE "Hero." HATE HATE HATE. And Karen Rodriguez is no Mariah Carey, though she has an okay voice. But where's the passion? Her pitch was sharp, and that performance totally left me flat. Feh. WHA?! What performance was J. Lo listening to? Seriously, what is up with the acoustics over there? Hello? Is this thing on? Et tu, Steven? We give Ryan's Spanish a C- and the kid and spouse give Karen Rodriguez's performance a C+/B-; I give it a B.

Lauren Turner: No way is this chick the next American Idol. Or the next Bette Midler. Love her voice, and she's a performer -- and gave the best performance so far. Seriously loved it. But... I just don't see her as the next American Idol. (And yes, I know I'm repeating myself.) Agree with the Amy Winehouse analogy, btw. ("Her problem is she's a dog," said the spouse, who just had to explain what that means to J-THREE-O. Yup.) America, prove me wrong! We give Lauren Turner an A-.

Ashthon Jones: Love the hair. (J-THREE-O also has a pouf.) Not lovin' the song choice (or the shoes). Yawn. But I like Ashthon and hope she makes it into the Top 10. Good voice. The right look. And she can perform. "She has all the makings of a diva," said Jennifer Lopez, and I gotta agree. We give Ashthon Jones a B+. ("She was nothing special," said the spouse, who saw/heard Ashthon for the first time tonight. I actually think she is.)

Julie Zorrilla: Julie's been one of our favorite's since the audition, and not just because we love her cute skirts. But "Breakaway" was a really bad song choice. Really bad. ("Really out of tune," said the spouse.) And the band is drowning her out. And she kept sounding out of breath. Sigh. Note to Idol contestants: Don't try to outsing Kelly Clarkson. I'm with J. Lo and Randy 100%, not great, and Kelly did it better. And I really like Julie -- even thought she could be the next American Idol! But the spouse doesn't think she's making it into the Top 10. We give Julie Zorrilla a B-. Boo.

Haley Reinhart: Now Haley, on the other hand, is bringing it. Still prefer the Alicia Keys version of "Fallin'," but Haley's version is totally respectable (though could do without the growling). And she's not sharp! Hooray! We give Haley Reinhart an A-/B+, though I can see Randy's point about it being a bit karaoke. And I don't see Haley being the next American Idol either.

Thia Megia: AAARGH. What is it with the youngsters singing like old fogeys? We like Thia Megia, but OMG this is painful. Could it be any slower?! Awful. And she can sing! HATED IT. (J-THREE-O is so disgusted she just left the room -- to do HOMEWORK, which isn't even due tomorrow, for gosh sake.) Sigh. Yeah yeah yeah, she can sing, but there was NOTHING hot about that performance. Death. We give Thia Megia a B -- for Blah.

Lauren Alaina: FINALLY, an upbeat song! YAY! And a good (though not great) song choice (Reba McEntire's "On the Radio") to boot. Props to Miss Lauren Alaina. And I'm digging her makeover. We give her an A-. No way is Lauren not making it into the Top 10.

Pia Toscano: Why do I look so sad? Because almost everyone has chosen really crappy songs, Pia, including you. HAVE YOU PEOPLE LEARNED NOTHING IN 10 YEARS OF AMERICAN IDOL?! Sorry, chiquita, I'm not standing by you. Yeah, Pia can sing, and she's got the "whole package," as the judges like to say, but I can't vote for anyone who sings "I'll Stand By You." Still... pretty impressive. But we give Pia Toscano a B+. Would have been higher if not for the schmaltzy song choice factor.

My prediction: Lauren Alaina vs. Scotty McCreery in the finals.

Before I sign off, a quick word about the judges: I'm starting to miss Simon Cowell -- and find it odd that Randy has taken over that role. Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez are waaaay too wishy-washy -- zero help, so far. :-/

Come back tomorrow to find out who made it into the Top 10 - or 12. (Still a little confused about how this is going to work this season.)

UPDATED: Had to share perennial Idol reviewer Craig Berman's column on the Top 12 Girls. Priceless. He, too, is missing Simon.

UPDATED 3/3: And the Top 5 girls are... Lauren Alaina... Pia... Karen (boo)... Thia... and Haley (eh). I think America got it wrong. And joining them are... Ashthon... and Naima. Wow. Like Naima -- and wanted her to be in the Top 10, but her "singing for her life" performance sucked. And then there were 13. Until next week... J-TWO-O out.

American Idol Season 10: Top 12 Guys - UPDATED (with results)

After the HUGE disappointment that was last season's American Idol (aka American Idol Season 9: Simon Cowell's Last Hurrah), I had sworn off American Idol. Or so I thought. However, my curiosity about the new judges, Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler, got the better of me. So I decided to check it out.

And, though I reserve the right to change my mind (again), I am back on the American Idol bandwagon -- and ready to blog. (LOVE Steven Tyler. LOVE. And am totally cool with J. Lo too, though last week's crying jag wore on my nerves.)

Here's hoping this year's crop of hopefuls, themes, and song choices are better than last year's!

Now let the real singing commence, starting with... the Top 12 Guys. First up...

Clint Jun Gamboa, singing Stevie Wonder's "Superstition." Good voice, great sneakers. But no way is this guy the next American Idol. I give Clint a B+; J-THREE-O says "I give him an A-."

Next...

Jovany Barreto, aka the shipyard guy with the killer abs, singing some really sappy ballad "I'll Be." And I'll be darned if this guy is the next American Idol. Part of the next cast of Jersey Shore, sure. Idol? No. I'm with Randy Jackson, it was just OK -- kinda karaoke. J-THREE-O gives Jovany a B/B-; ditto.

Followed by...

Jordan Dorsey. OMG, he SUCKS. Sorry Jordan, but you are no Usher. Not even close. In the words of Randy Jackson, very pitchy, dawg. All I can say is OMG, thank God that's over. I give Jordan Dorsey a C-; J-THREE-O is feeling generous and gives Jordan a C.

Next up...

Tim Halperin, who we barely saw during the auditions and Hollywood Week. Shades of Kris Allen? Well, Rob Thomas has nothing to worry about. Yet another karaoke (pitchy) performance, dawgs. SIGH. Don't think Tim is making it into the Top 10. In a nutshell: song choice, song choice, song choice. I give Tim a B- for his weak version of "Come on Over." J-THREE-O was appalled. She gives Tim Halperin a C+.

And...

Brett Loewenstern, whom I cannot stand. He's got a decent voice, but he is just too weird -- and coming from me that says a lot. Fortunately, I don't think his version of "Light My Fire" is going to light anyone's fire. More likely carrot top will go down in flames (at least here's hoping). WHA?! Steven Tyler, wha?! Were we listening to the same performance? Come on, J. Lo! At least Randy noticed Brett was pitchy. I give Brett Loewenstern a B-; J-THREE-O gives his performance a C+, but gives his hair an A.

And now...

James Durbin, screaming yet another song. Paging Adam Lambert. Okay... not hating it. Not loving it. Just not feeling it, though clearly Jennifer Lopez is. Still, Durbin probably has another week coming. And now that Steven Tyler and J. Lo have given James their blessing, no way is he going home this week. Et tu, Randy? Sigh. We give James Durbin's performance of "You've Got Another Thing Comin'" a B+.

Next up, the pride of Long Island...

Robbie Rosen, singing yet another sappy ballad, albeit singing it well -- though another minute of this and I'll be sound asleep. Seriously, Robbie, who died? You're 17 years old. Couldn't you pick something a little younger and more upbeat? Feh. Hated the song choice, but the boy's got a pretty voice. I give him an B+; J-THREE-O gives him a B, for majorly boring.

And now J. Lo fave...

Scotty McCreery, singing -- surprise! -- yet another country song! I admit, I kinda have a thing for Josh Turner, who Scotty sounds a whole lot like. That aside, J-THREE-O and I really like Scotty McCreery's voice, and he seems like a very nice young man. We give him an A/A-. If Scotty doesn't get into the Top 10, I'll be SHOCKED.

Followed by...

Stefano Langone, who is not one of my favorites. And he totally picked the wrong song in Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are," IOHO. Yet another karaoke bar performance. Yawn. (Did someone put Clint Jun Gamboa in charge of tonight's proceedings?) Don't know what Steven and Jennifer and Randy were listening to. Wasn't bad, but it PALED in comparison to the real deal. Could hear it on the radio right now? I don't think so. And I so do not find him the least bit good looking. Ugh. We give Stefano Langone a B.

And now...

Paul McDonald, who totally reminds me of the guy from Lady Antebellum. Or Rod Stewart, with a beard and a mustache -- minus the British accent and multiple wives and kids. Seriously, I'm strangely digging Paul's version of "Maggie May," though it is a little karaoke. And I totally dig his raspy, Rod Stewart-ish voice. Huh. I give Paul McDonald an A-/B+, while J-THREE-O says "B+/B."

Next up...

Jacob Lusk, who for some reason totally reminds me of Geoffrey Holder and has me craving a 7-UP right now. Not my favorite Jacob Lusk performance. The boy's got some mad vocals, but am just not loving the song choice ("A House Is Not a Home"). Still, he did better than some other guys I could name. And I hope he makes it to the Top 12, if not the Top 10. We give Jacob Lusk a B+ (though the song nearly put J-THREE-O to sleep).

And finally...

Casey Abrams, who we loved during Hollywood Week. But we also loved Taylor Hicks. And where is Taylor now? Yup. Sure, Casey Abrams is a great performer, and musician, and can sing, but who exactly is going to buy his records? Sure, applaud all you like, people, but this guy is NEVER going to be a best-selling artist. Still, we give Casey Abrams an A-.

That wraps it up for tonight, Idol fans. Come back tomorrow for a review of the Top 12 Girls. And on Thursday I'll post who was cut.

UPDATED 3/2: Wow. Just learned that last night's show was TAPED last Friday. What's up with that? Also many viewers in the NYC area were unable to phone in their votes due to "technical difficulties." I smell a fix...

UPDATED 3/3: And your Top 5 guys are... Scotty... Jacob... Casey... Paul... and James. No big surprises. And joining them is... Stefano. And there you have it, Idol fans. (Go to my Top 12 Girls post to see which ladies made it into the Top 13.) See you next week. J-TWO-O out.

Lee DeWyze vs. Crystal Bowersox: American Idol Season 9 Finale (recap)

It seems like just a couple months ago that outgoing American Idol judge Simon Cowell (wink, wink) predicted Crystal Bowersox the winner of American Idol Season 9. But apparently Mr. Cowell (wink, wink) has changed his tune, according to this article in People, and now thinks Lee DeWyze will win it.

Frankly, I think Lee DeWyze will win, too. Not because Lee is the better singer or performer but because he has momentum going into the finale -- and I think the majority of American Idol viewers (that is the ones who actually vote) are females ages 12 to 24, who are more likely to vote for Lee than Crystal. Just sayin'.

Though at this point, I don't really care who wins American Idol this season -- I'm just glad it is almost over (though what I'll do on Tuesday nights, other than watching baseball games, I don't know). Also, regardless of who "wins," you know both Crystal Bowersox and Lee DeWyze are going to walk away with recording contracts. So really, what's the big deal? They're both winners.

Btw, for those of you who care, Idol has set up a special "Season 9 Finale" page, where you can see videos of Crystal and Lee, read their Tweets, and leave comments. Woohoo!

And now, let the singing -- and judging -- commence!

Round One

So Lee DeWyze chose "The Boxer." A good choice, though perhaps a bit too safe. Or "a kiss on the cheek" rather than "a kiss on the lips," as Simon (wink, wink) said. Our grade for Lee DeWyze: B+

Crystal Bowersox also picked a pretty safe -- though good -- song in "Me and Bobby McGhee." What else can I say about Crystal at this point (without sounding like Ellen DeGeneres)? Crystal has been totally consistent, in a good way, throughout the season, and this was definitely one of her best performances. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox: A-

Round Two

So Simon Fuller chose R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" for Lee DeWyze. Another good choice, though not the best in terms of producing a "wow" moment or creating some musical tension. Also, not exactly an upbeat song, which doesn't help Lee's cause. Again, what can I say? It was another good performance, though nothing... special. Our grade for Lee DeWyze this round: another B+

And Simon Fuller's choice for Crystal Bowersox? "Blue Velvet," originally sung by Alannah Myles. Another good choice -- or so I thought until Crystal started singing. Now? Not so much. I actually thought that performance was a disaster. Crystal was off-key, and the arrangement just didn't work for me. Though clearly the acoustics in the Nokia Theatre are different than what I heard on our 40" Sony Bravia, because the judges luuurved it. Huh? Our grade for Crystal Bowersox: the spouse gives Crystal an A-; the kid, a B+; me, a B-

Round Three

OMG!!! NO HORRIBLE ORIGINAL SONG BY KARA DIOGUARDI?! The evening is starting to look up!

So if Lee DeWyze wins, he will record U2's "Beautiful Day"? I like Lee, and think he has a really good (yes, commercial) voice, and I am not a huge U2 fan, but seriously, why on Earth would you buy Lee's version of "Beautiful Day" over U2's (unless you are a 12-year-old girl)? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? FWIW, we (the spouse, the kid, and I) ALL thought that was Lee's best performance of the night, but was it enough to beat Crystal? Dunno. Our grade for Lee DeWyze's version of "Beautiful Day": A-/B+

And Crystal Bowersox's single? "Up to the Mountain"? I'm (somewhat) embarrassed to say I have never heard of this song, nor has the spouse, which is surprising, since folk is his thang. Anyway... per Wikipedia, it's a contemporary folk song written by Patty Griffin. Well, that solves it. Not. Whatever. It was definitely in Crystal's wheelhouse. She sang it well. And I think Simon (wink, wink) Cowell was right when he said it was the best performance of the evening. But I was (am) still bored. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox's "Up to the Mountain": A-

Based on the performances tonight, and throughout the season, Crystal should win, IMHO, but I can't count Lee out. Until tomorrow, Idol fans. I'm off to watch me some Lady Gaga on Glee.

And the winner of American Idol Season 9 is... Simon Cowell! No wait! I mean Lee DeWyze. As predicted. Happy for Lee, but am majorly bummed for Crystal, though, as I have said dozens of times, Crystal will be FINE. Interesting show, for lack of a better word. Nice to see Paula Abdul again, who looked great. And nice to see all the Idols -- and be reminded that winning Idol doesn't guarantee success. (Btw, for those of you who, like me, were wondering where Season 7 American Idol champ David Cook was, he was at a charity event.)

For more on last night's American Idol finale, check out Craig Berman's latest column over on MSNBC. (Berman's been covering Idol for years and is very funny -- and accurate.)

American Idol's Crystal Bowersox, Lee DeWyze and Casey James in the "fight for the finale"

It's now down to just three contestants on American Idol: Crystal Bowersox, Lee DeWyze, and Casey James, but as we all know, they're all already winners. (Blah, blah, blah.)

The good news? Only one more week of American Idol Season 9! The bad news, we have to endure two more agonizing results shows before the "winner" is crowned.

I thought the producers should have just crowned Mamasox the winner weeks ago, but if we have to go through this charade another two weeks, let it be a Crystal Bowersox vs. Lee DeWyze finale, if only so we can hear them sing another duet together and we won't have to listen to any more stupid "Kara Cougar" jokes.

As for tonight's "theme," I guess you could say it's "Choice," as in the judges' choice and the contestants' choice (though sadly not the viewers' choice, though I guess we could always change the channel). And leading it off...

Casey James singing some song I've never heard of (his choice) called "Okay, it's all right": Is it just me, or was that kind of an abrupt transition? Also, was this song inspired by Randy Jackson or what? "Okay okay okay... [Randy cringes, shrugs shoulders.] That song was just all right by me." And OMG (though really, no surprise) Randy said it (just after I typed it)! FWIW, it was just okay by me and J-THREE-O, too. (Seriously, this is the song you choose on one of the biggest nights of your life when you gotta go big or go home? Has Casey learned nothing or does he just not give a shit? Help me out here, people.) Our grade for Casey James' first performance tonight: B

Next up, Crystal Bowersox singing Melissa Etheridge's "Come to my window": Much better song choice than Casey's but I'm not wild about this arrangement. Clearly, the chick's multi-talented, but I thought Crystal's version paled next to the original. "I thought it was good not great," said J-THREE-O. What is there to say about Crystal at this point? She's been consistent (for the most part), and hasn't "compromised" herself artistically, and the judges decided a while ago she was the winner, but I don't see Crystal going on to become a big star -- and frankly, I'm not sure I'd buy her album. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox: B+

And now Lee DeWyze singing Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple man" -- a simple song for a simple guy? Another song I never heard of, but a way better performance than Casey's. Lee is definitely in it to win it, though I wouldn't rush out to buy that song on iTunes. And man, the judges really really want Lee in the finale, though I agree with Kara DioGuardi that Round One goes to Lee. Our grade for Lee DeWyze: A-

DING! DING! Round Two!

And Kara DioGuardi and Randy Jackson's pick John Mayer's "Daughters" for Casey James: And I am bored. Which is a shanda, because it is a beautiful song, and Casey should be nailing it. Instead he sounds listless and off-key. And I cannot believe the judges are praising him. COME ON, people! It SUCKED. Feh. Our grade for Casey James' second performance: B-

And Ellen DeGeneres's pick for Crystal Bowersox? "Baby I'm amazed" by Paul McCartney. Baby, I'm amazed by that song choice. Really Ellen? Though I'm liking this performance way better than Crystal's first song, though the whole "maybe I'm a man" thing isn't working for me. "It was okay. It wasn't great. She should have given her a Janis Joplin song to sing," said the spouse (who just joined us). I completely agree. It would have been great to have heard Crystal rock some Joplin. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox's second performance: B+

And finally Simon Cowell's pick for Lee DeWyze, Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah," because I guess hearing it sung by Tim Urban this season and Jason Castro last season wasn't nearly enough. If you needed more proof that Simon has checked out of Idol and doesn't really care anymore, this is it. Not that it was a bad choice, just a totally uncreative one. Similarly, not a bad performance, though Lee was off-key, and I can't help comparing it to Jason Castro's. Still, it was (hopefully) more than enough to get Lee into the finale, with Crystal. Our grade for Lee DeWyze's second performance: B+

Until tomorrow, American Idol fans...

UPDATED 5/19/10: As predicted, it's Lee vs. Crystal in the finale. Yawn.

American Idol Top 4 go to the movies (RECAP)

Yawn. Seriously, does anyone really watch -- or care about -- American Idol anymore? I'm only watching at this point because of the blog (i.e., inertia). But what excuse do the rest of you have, besides wanting to hear Crystal Bowersox, which you can do on YouTube the next day?

And this week there's no Harry Connick, Jr., to liven things up. Instead we have Jamie Foxx mentoring the Idols as they sing "Songs from the Movies" -- and the Idols singing duets, with whom won't be revealed until a bit later tonight. (Factoid: Last week Ryan said this week's theme was "Songs from the Cinema," but I guess the producers were scared the word cinema would turn off fans, so they changed it to movies. In other word-related news, there is still no such word as pitchy.)

And now, on with the show!

Lee DeWyze: I think "Kiss from a Rose" is a good song choice for Lee, though I could be horribly wrong. Listening.... Listening.... Well, Seal is safe, but I thought Lee did OK. Was his performance worthy of Jamie Foxx's "Artist" shirt? Not so much. But I still want to see Lee (along with Crystal) in the finale. Our grade for Lee DeWyze (just watching with the kid tonight): B/B+ (IMHO the judges were waaaay harsh on this one.)

Michael Lynche: Yawn. Or as J-THREE-O just said to me: "He can sing, but it's sooo boring." Yup. Maybe it's just me, but I'm at the point where everything Michael Lynche sings sounds the same -- and not in a good way. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I think the guy can't sing. He can. He just doesn't give me "goosebumps," to borrow from Kara. He's predictable and, OMG, "Will You Be There" is the theme from FREE WILLY?! ROTFL. So the question is "Will You Be There" for Big Mike when the lines open? Not me. Our grade for Michael Lynche: B-

Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox: (Please let this be good. Please let this be good.) Not familiar with "Falling Slowly" or the movie Once. The kid really, really liked it. I'm kind of undecided. I love both of them, and wanted to love it, and thought Lee sounded really good, but... Sigh. I dunno. I'm going to have another listen as soon as the clip goes up on AmericanIdol.com or YouTube. Our grade for Lee and Crystal: A- (Going with the kid on this one.)

Casey James: OMG. "Mrs. Robinson"?! Are you kidding me? Here come the Kara DioGuardi cougar jokes again. WHA?! I cannot believe the cameras did once pan to Kara. Talk about a missed opportunity. I rest my case. Thank you, Randy. As far as Casey's actual performance, it was a million times better than last week's performance, but it still was not great. Like Mike, Casey can sing, but his performances/songs are utterly forgettable. And unlike Big Mike, there's no passion in any of Casey's performances. It's like he's a singing, guitar-playing robot. Our grade for Casey James: B (Aside: How tall is Casey? Anybody know or want to hazard a guess?)

Crystal Bowersox: Caddyshack?! I can't wait to hear this. Loved Caddyshack (back in the day) and Kenny Loggins' "I'm Alright." But ain't diggin' Crystal's take. Sorry Crystal fans. Didn't suck, but just wasn't great. Still, I will be shocked -- SHOCKED -- if Crystal gets booted off this week. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox: B+



Michael Lynche and Casey James: Have you ever really, really really really hated a song like I hate "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman"? Sigh. Liked the guitars, and the vocals were okay, but I've already forgotten it. That said, I've got to agree with the judges that the duets were better than the solos. Our grade for Michael and Casey: B

The big surprise tonight: the show actually finished early.

Btw, in case you hadn't heard, last week American Idol posted a viewer survey, which has been generating lots of buzz, asking us fans what we honestly thought about the direction of the show, the judges, the mentors, etc. If you're interested in checking out/taking the survey, click here. (I filled it out -- and found it very interesting.)

Until tomorrow and the results show, Idol fans...

UPDATED 5/12/10: Thank God Crystal made it into the Top 3. I was getting seriously nervous. Do NOT do that to me again, American Idol. Also making it into the Top 3, Casey James and Lee DeWyze. I just hope next week is waaaaay better than last night, cause last night sucked.

American Idol Top 5 sing Sinatra, Harry Connick, Jr. mentors (RECAP)

Whether you are a Frank Sinatra fan or not (I'm in the former camp), ya gotta admit that Ol' Blue Eyes had a way with a song. The American Idol Season 9 contestants? Not so much. But with so many great Frank Sinatra songs to choose from and Harry Connick, Jr. as mentor, I am hoping the Top 5 make this a very good week. (For sure Aaron Kelly should benefit from this week's theme. Casey James? Not so much. Though I may be pleasantly surprised.)

Anyway, boys and girls, this is how it's done.



Btw, Harry Connick, Jr. and Frank Sinatra are far from the only ones to sing Jerome Kerns/Dorothy Fields' standard, "The Way You Look Tonight." It was originally sung by Fred Astaire in the movie Swing Time and has since been covered by many great artists, including Ella Fitzgerald, Michael Bublé, and Kris Allen.

And now, Sinatra fans, let the crooning (and judging) commence!

(Speaking of judges, what is up with Simon Cowell's man cleavage tonight?! Yikes.)

First up, Harry Connick, Jr. Did he really need to take a swipe at Shania Twain? Hasn't she suffered enough? But kudos to Connick for truly getting hands-on with the contestants, arranging the songs for them. And I love that he brought some of his band with him.

Now for the contestants...

Aaron Kelly: "Fly Me to the Moon" is a great song, but I don't think it was a great song choice for Aaron. Seemed too much of a reach (too high?) for him, and he was a bit off key. Kara DioGaurdi was right, it was good -- good enough to keep Aaron around for another week -- but it wasn't as good as Aaron's performance last week. Our grade for Aaron Kelly: B+

Casey James: Will it be "Blue Skies," nothing but blue skies, for Casey this week? Or will America rain on his parade? I'm thinking the latter right now. Connick created a good arrangement, for himself, not so much for Casey. And I agree with Randy Jackson that it was Casey's worst performance to date. It just didn't work. And no way are the judges going to criticize the arrangement, which was the problem. Our grade for Casey James: C+ (which is being nice, cause we are 90 percent sure Casey is going home tomorrow)

Crystal Bowersox: So will the "Summer Wind" blow favorably Crystal's way? Me thinks so. WHAT DID RANDY JUST SAY?! Was he listening to the same performance?! KINDA LIKED IT, Kara?! JUST OKAY, Simon?! Aaaaaiiiieeee. Well, I loved Crystal's performance of "Summer Wind." I thought it was beautiful and understated, and that she totally blew away the competition. The kid and I give Crystal Bowersox an A-, but the spouse gives her a B (boo).

Michael Lynche: Forget "The Way You Look Tonight"(and the hat). It's how you sound tonight that matters. And once again, I'm just not feeling Big Mike. Not a bad performance, just totally predictable, plodding, and not special. Yawn. ("It didn't have balls," said the spouse.) Good thing for Michael that Casey sucked and the judges loved it (though clearly we weren't listening to the same performance and when Simon hears the playback, he's going to change his opinion). Our grade for Michael Lynche: B

Lee DeWyze: So Harry Connick, Jr.'s wife thinks Lee is hot. Awkward. Though I kinda agree with her. ;-) Lee's take on "That's Life"? Best. Performance. Of. The. Night. And Lee sang it without a fedora. (Take that, Michael Lynche.) Our grade for Lee DeWyze: A ("He didn't blow it out of the water," said the spouse, but we all agree it was the best performance of the night and may have been Lee's best performance period.)

That's all for tonight, hep cats. Will be back with the results tomorrow. J-TWO-O out.

UPDATED 05/05/10: I'm sorry. Did someone forget to email me the memo about American Idol changing its name to The Harry Connick, Jr. Show? And believe me, it is pretty hard to upstage Lady Gaga (especially in that outfit), but somehow Connick did it. (Snark aside, I wouldn't mind catching his show when it comes to Broadway this summer.) 9:52: First shock of the night, Casey was NOT in the bottom two. Whoa. (I was sure Casey and Aaron were going to be in the bottom two this week.) 9:55: Not a shocker, Aaron's going home. Until next week, when we get to hear "Songs of the Cinema"...

UPDATED 05/07/10: Apparently Lady Gaga is crying like a baby over the fact that Fox/American Idol producers cut her air time Wednesday, splicing together her performance of "Bad Romance" and "Alejandro," mostly editing out the former. You can read all about it, as well as link to the uncut version, here.

Shania Twain returns to American Idol, mentors Top 6

First, a confession: I am a HUGE Shania Twain fan -- or rather a huge fan of her songs. Shania Twain the person? A bit of a flake. Put another way, if American Idol really wanted to find a replacement for Paula Abdul, they should have hired Shania.

Getting back to Shania Twain the songwriter/singer.... I got totally hooked on her crossover country when I lived in Chicago and listened to the local country music station there. (And you thought you knew me.)

"(If your not in it for love) I'm Outta Here"? One of my all-time favorite songs.



Ditto "That Don't Impress Me Much."



So I should be happy that it's Shania Twain night on American Idol, right? But I can't help feeling that tonight could go horribly, horribly wrong, even without Tim Urban there to butcher her songs. Yes, yes, Crystal Bowersox and Casey James should do a kickass job with the Shania Twain songbook.But Michael Lynche, Aaron Kelly, Lee DeWyze, and Siobhan Magnus? Not so sure.

Anyway, in less than 60 minutes we will know how it all turned out.

And now let the twanging (or Twaining) -- and judging -- commence!

First up, Lee DeWyze, singing "You're Still the One": I know I sound like a broken record, but I love Lee's raspy rocker voice. And while I'm not lovin' this arrangement of "You're Still the One," he made it sound totally new -- or "fresh," as the judges like to say. A little "pitchy," but looks like he made it. J-THREE-O and I give Lee DeWyze an A-/B+.

Next aboard the Shania Twain...

"Big Mike" Michael Lynche: Not familiar with "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing." Yeah, well, it only hurts when I'm listening, but I'll survive. What can I say? I'll just quote J-THREE-O: "I am soooo sick of these slow songs." Amen, kid. And while the spouse thinks Big Mike has improved over the season ("He can sing for real"), I thought it was utterly forgettable. (Disagree with me all you like, but I dare you to recall what Michael sang two days from now -- without Googling it.) Yeah, the guy can sing. But... it was "wet" for me too, Simon. Maybe it's because I am not a big fan of R&B, but I give Michael Lynche a B/B+, which the team agrees with.

Casey James: Another Shania Twain song I'm not familiar with. On the plus side, I've got nothing to compare Casey's performance of "Don't!" to (unless I head on over to YouTube). Well, we'll see tomorrow if America tells Casey "don't go." For me, it was just all right, dawgs. Wasn't bad. Wasn't memorable. Though the judges are lovin' it -- and Casey. Maybe they just don't want Casey to wind up in the bottom two again. Our grade for Casey James: B+

Crystal "Mamasox" Bowersox: Am I dreamin' or stupid -- or is Shania Twain night going better than expected? Again, not loving this version or arrangement of "No One Needs to Know." Very disjointed. ("It didn't groove," said the spouse.) And didn't showcase Crystal's voice well. But it was not as bad as Simon said. (And, for the record, I've heard some really good musicians at coffee shops.) Oh, and Crystal's boyfriend? He better man up after that. Our grade for Crystal Bowersox (aka Mamasox): B/B-

Aaron Kelly: Sigh. You've got a way of picking really slow songs, Aaron. "This is really boring," said J-THREE-O. "I agree," chimed in the spouse. I actually thought the song suited Aaron's voice, though I, too, thought it was boring. WHAT IS IT WITH 17-YEAR-OLDS SINGING LIKE THEY'RE NEIL DIAMOND?! Our grade for Aaron Kelly: B (though the spouse and kid really didn't like the song choice)

Siobhan Magnus: OMG, Siobhan looks and sounds a bit (more than a bit) like Shania! Or she did in the rehearsal clip. Now? Not so much, at least on the sound part. This arrangement of "Any Man of Mine" was downright painful (complete with the trademark scream). WTF?! And did you see Shania's face? She did NOT like it, not one little bit. Though the judges all loved it (as did the spouse -- a total surprise). The judges here at J-TWO-O Central are mixed on Siobhan's performance. If I'm being generous, I give Siobhan Magnus a B-, but the kid gave her a B, and the spouse an A- (WHA?!)

No idea who's going home tomorrow, but I'll post the results tomorrow night. Gotta watch me some glee.

UPDATED 4/28/10: Siobhan Magnus is history. Can't say I'm surprised after her last few performances. Just think it's a shame as she had so much potential. Also in the bottom three: Michael Lynche, who was sent back to safety, and Casey James (who will probably be gone next week).