Nice pair (plus an "amazing" short video)

Photo (c) J-TWO-O

Don't they look luscious? Mm mm.

What? You were expecting something else?

Well, I promised you something "amazing," and here it is: a clip I happened upon this week of my new favorite comedian, Louis C. K., on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, talking about how everything is amazing (i.e., we have all this great technology that was invented to make our lives easier and better, which didn't or barely existed not that long ago), yet no one seems happy.



Btw, if you liked this clip and want to see more, go to YouTube and do a search for "Louis C. K."

I will now, in honor of May Day, dance around a pole and worship Flora.

In defense of pigs

Pearls before swine. Pork barrel spending. Gets your mitts off me you swine. Male chauvinist pig. And now swine flu (which may or may not have something to do with pigs flying).

Whatever did the noble, sweet-natured pig do to earn such abuse?

Just look at that face. Is that not a face that any mother could love?

Indeed, I believe that pigs are simply misunderstood. And apparently the pig-loving folks over at the PBS program NATURE, which aired a show entitled The Joy of Pigs, agree:

"Pigs are misunderstood in many ways. Many people think of them as portly and stupid, but the NATURE program The Joy of Pigs shows us how intelligent pigs really are. (They are naturally lean, too, unless they are overfed by humans.) Pigs are smarter than any other domestic animal. Their ability to solve problems, like the pig I.Q. test on The Joy of Pigs, is well-documented, and they are considered by animal experts to be more trainable than dogs or cats."

See! Pigs are smart, clean, lean, and trainable (which is more than I can say for some men I know).

So while I know the swine flu is a threat (though not as pig -- I mean BIG -- a threat as the media would have us believe), and people should practice good hygiene, like washing hands thoroughly before eating and covering their mouths with a tissue when coughing or sneezing, to avoid catching it, it is no worse than other type of flu. And contrary to popular belief, you cannot get the swine flu from eating pork or pork products.

To slightly paraphrase John Lennon: All I am saying is give pigs a chance.

UPDATED: A friend of the blog in Colorado, in response to this post, sent me this picture with the heading "How swine flu is spread."














FYI: While it is safe to savor properly cooked pork, the partaking of raw pig is a big no-no.

American Idol attempts to channel the Rat Pack, gets Hamster Pack instead

Usually when Simon Cowell accuses someone of being "cabaret" or a lounge singer, it's a bad thing. But tonight, as American Idol goes retro and the contestants sing songs made famous -- or infamous -- by Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis, Jr., aka the Rat Pack, being called a lounge singer may just be a compliment.

******

Love Kris Allen's comment: "The theme is the Rat Pack. Aren't all those people dead?" Why yes they are, Kris. But being dead doesn't mean they're not current.

And speaking of Kris Allen...

The way Kris looks tonight is... a heckuva lot like Ryan. (Do you think they texted each other this morning to determine how much facial hair to show? Just sayin'.)

Okay, so he's not the best vocalist -- definitely not in the same solar system as Frank Sinatra -- but Kris did an okay job, and the ending sure was pretty. I give Kris a B. (I am instituting letter grades tonight.)

As for the judges' take... Wha? Randy, dawg, who were you listening to? Ditto Kara. And Paula is just creepin' me out. Thank GOD for Simon. Not sure Kris is a wet spaniel out for a walk, but he does seem a bit like a trained seal.

Allison Iraheta

"Innocent"?! I can think of a lot of adjectives to describe Allison Iraheta ("red-headed troll doll" being one that comes to mind) and her voice but "innocent" isn't one of them. I still can't believe the girl's only 17.

The pluses: The girl looked good. And damn she's got some powerful pipes. I think this was her best performance of the season.

The minuses: Nope. Don't got any. (Shocking, I know.)

Grade: A (but I still think her personality is a C -- and that Simon nailed it, yet again)

Matt Giraud

So what's the deal with the caps and hats? And why isn't he at the piano? Seriously, of all the songs to sing at the piano, this was a natural. Not a good sign.

"My Funny Valentine" is not one of my fave songs, and Matt's rendition was just okay for me, dawg. A little too pitchy and slow. (My daughter actually got up and left the room midway through the song. Another bad sign.)

My grade: B (though Randy's 6 out of 10 also works; and I have no idea what Simon was sippin' during the break because Matt's performance was nowhere near Allison's, emotion or no emotion)

Danny Gokey

Where's the martini glass?

At least Danny looks the part. But Oh.My.God. NOT ANOTHER BALLAD.

(My daughter, who is a diehard American Idol fan just looked at me and announced "I am NOT digging the Rat Pack." I'm with you kid, though I actually loved the Rat Pack -- as in Frank, Dino, and Sammy. These Idol contestants are more like the Hamster Pack: cute and furry, but without sharp teeth or an edge.)

I really like Danny's voice, and thought the ending was strong, but I just wasn't lovin' it and was kind of bored. (His choice of "Endless Love" the other week pretty much ended my love for him.) Sorry Danny fans.

Grade: B+

Adam Lambert

Forget old blues eyes. Here comes young blue hair.

NOW he takes out the white suit?! (And what material is that thing made of? It's awfully shiny...)

So here's what drives me (and the spouse, who is a former musician) insane about Adam: He has great chops -- a great voice -- yet he constantly overdoes it, or as the spouse said, is so completely over the top.

Randy nailed it when he said Adam was too theatrical. Adam IS too theatrical. But he and Simon (I can't even listen to Paula anymore) were right in saying that Adam also is the one to beat, that he really shows, week after week, that he wants to win it.

Grade: A-

Overall, not the worst week/group of performances ever, but I am definitely feeling more blah than good.

J-TWO-O out.

UPDATED 4/29/09 AT 9:54 P.M.: America has shown Matt the door. Not a surprise. Far more shocking was Allison being safe and Adam being in the bottom two. Btw, I thought Taylor Hicks was way better and more entertaining than Jamie Foxx, even though I loved Foxx in Ray. Until next week Idol fans...

My 10-yr-old nephew pitches better than Oliver Perez... Jets finally sign a cute QB... Switzerland bans nude hiking

Big, big, big weekend Tri-State area sports fans! The Mets nearly swept the Nationals. (Though really, that's not much of an accomplishment.) The Red Sox swept the Yankees. (Pathetic.) The New York Jets, in a move that surprised and thrilled their fans, took USC quarterback Mark Sanchez as their fifth draft pick overall. And the Swiss canton of Appenzell Innerrhoden voted to ban nude hiking. (Okay, that is not technically a New York area story, but I knew fans of the blog, many of whom are born or naturalized New Yorkers, would want to know.)

First to the Mets and pitcher Oliver Perez. Never has $36 million dollars been so poorly spent or invested (well, except maybe for the $300 million Fred Wilpon invested with Bernard Madoff) -- the price the Mets paid to retain starting pitcher Oliver "Ollie" Perez. You would think for $36 million Perez could throw the ball at least 90 mph over the plate and get a few strike outs. But no. Once again the Mets $36 million man went down in flames, causing the Mets to lose 8 - 1 TO THE LAST PLACE 3 (now 4) - 13 WASHINGTON NATIONALS, making Perez 1-2 with a 9.31 ERA, and putting the Mets in second to last place in the NL East. Pathetic.

The New York Yankees were almost equally pathetic over the weekend, losing to the Boston Red Sox three games in a row. Things got so bad that in the fifth inning of Sunday's game that the Bo Sox Jacoby Ellsbury was able to steel home against Yanks pitcher Andy Pettitte. And I got a news flash for all you Yankees fans: I doubt that Alex Rodriguez returning to the lineup on May 15 is going to make a big difference. Some difference, sure. But unless the Yankees do something about their pitching/pitchers, they aren't going to even make it to the playoffs this year. (Ditto the Mets.)

And in much happier sports news: The New York Jets selected USC quarterback Mark Sanchez in Saturday's NFL draft, to much cheering and high-fiving from New York Jets fans, including WFAN's Craig Carton, the guy who last summer led a rally to get Brett Favre to the Jets. 'Nuff said.

It is waaaaaay too soon to say/predict if Mark Sanchez will be the franchise quarterback the Jets and their fans have been praying for, but from all the scouting reports, the guy shows a lot of promise. And did I mention he is way cute? (Seriously, though, could things really get much worse for the Jets? Great move, Mike Tannenbaum.)

In other Jets news, just before the draft Saturday the Jets apparently contacted former Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress's agent about a possible deal. Seriously? Yeah, seriously. (Huh. I had no idea you could play professional football while serving a prison term.)

And with that, I'm off to hit the showers.

Makeover madness

I admit, I love a good makeover story -- and have not-so-secretly hoped for years that Oprah or Glamour or the nice folks over at TODAY would ambush me and turn me from drab to fab.

But I am seriously starting to think that this country (and others) has an unhealthy obsession with makeovers/making people over, in person and in print.

Exhibit A: Susan Boyle, the erstwhile frumpy spinster/singing sensation from "Britain's Got Talent."

















Seriously, who cares that the poor woman got her hair done, her eyebrows tweezed, and burned that frumpy beige frock? (Btw, I have a sneaking suspicion that Ms. Boyle's whole frumpy look was just an act and that the made over version was closer to the truth/what she really looks like.)

Exhibit B: Faith Hill

I totally missed the flap over Ms. Hill's Redbook cover back in July 2007, which was heavily retouched. But it is worth bringing up again.
















I think we can all agree that Faith Hill is a beautiful, fit-looking woman, who actually looks amazing for someone who has birthed three children, is constantly on the road, and is over 40 (39 at the time of the Redbook shoot). Yet the folks at Redbook apparently didn't think Ms. Hill looked quite amazing enough. So, they retouched her into a human Barbie doll, or, in the words of Jezebel.com, "into something more befitting the cover of Cosmopolitan."

SIGH.

And we wonder why women are so obsessed with looks and plastic surgery...

Beware Catzilla!

Run for you lives you Japanese Iwako hamster erasers! No one is safe from... CATZILLA!




















































Those cute little hamsters didn't stand a chance against 15.5 pounds of feline attitude. Who and what will be next? Is there no stopping this furry fury?

Earth Day, Smurf Day

As you go forth today, walking or biking or taking public transportation instead of that gas-guzzling SUV, using reusable containers instead of those petroleum-infused plastic bags, and making an online donation to help save the polar bears, think about this: Where were you when this cute little woodland creature was endangered and needed your help?

That's right, I am talking about The Smurfs, who vanished shortly after NBC canceled their television show in 1990 and they returned home to find their once idyllic Belgium wood had been clear cut and replaced with a strip mall.

Sure, sure, you loved them as a kid -- probably dressed as one for Halloween even. But did you ever think about their fate after you turned off the TV and stopped buying all that really cute Smurf paraphernalia that helped subsidize their eco-friendly lifestyle?

And I bet your children have no idea who Papa Smurf and Smurfette are, having never seen the Hanna-Barbera series or the Ice Capades' "Smurfs on Ice." Shameful.

But it's not too late to help the Smurfs, people. How can I do my bit, you ask? By going blue and making this Earth Day "Smurf Day."

So now let us join together and sing as one:

La la la-la la la,
Sing a happy song.
La la la-la la la,
Smurf your whole day long.

La la la-la la la

Smurf along with me!

La la la-la la la

Simple as can be.

Next time you're feeling blue just let a smile begin,
Happy things will come to you...

So smurf yourself a grin!

La la la-la la la,

Now you know the tune,

You'll be Smurfing soon!

Happy Smurf Day!