This month's best cat + dog videos

I don't know about all of you, but by this time on Monday, I am in dire need of a cute and/or funny cat (or dog) video. So as a public service, I give you the best cat and dog videos you will find online this month. (You're welcome.)

First up, "Ouvrez-Moi," wherein a cat attempts to convince a male human to open the door... in French (with English subtitles). Love this video.



And speaking of strange cats, this cat apparently loves to be vacuumed. (Our cats enjoy a good lint rolling, but vacuuming? Uh, no.)



Next, the reason the spouse and I are not getting a St. Bernard... even though they are very sweet dogs.



Finally, the award for Cutest Beagle Video of the Month goes to KLM, for "Lost & Found Service."



Makes you almost want to leave something on the plane next time you fly KLM.

New book recommendations

For this Book Nook post (click on the Book Nook label at the end of the post to see previous recommendations), I've divided the books I've read (since my last book post) into three categories: Books I Loved, Books I Liked, and Books I Didn't Like.

Feel free to add your thoughts and recommendations in the Comments section. 

Books I Loved

One Hundred Names by Cecilia Ahern. The moving story of a young, disgraced journalist's quest for redemption and her desire to pay tribute to her recently deceased mentor and editor by writing the story she (the editor) had wanted to write but didn't. The story? We don't exactly know (until the end of the book). All the editor left was a list of 100 names. It is up to Kitty Logan, the disgraced journalist, to track down the 100 people on the list and figure out what ties them together and to Constance, her beloved former editor and mentor.

I loved this book, and not just because I started my professional life as a fact checker and writer for a magazine (though it helped me to instantly connect with Kitty, her coworkers, and her subjects). I loved it because of the stories Kitty uncovers in her quest, the great writing, and how uplifted the book left me feeling when I finished reading it.

The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion. Another great read -- very funny. Reminded me of The Big Bang Theory, in a good way, as the main character in The Rosie Project, Don, like Sheldon, is a scientist, who is "socially challenged" (i.e., has Asperger Syndrome or similar). Though in this case it is the Sheldon character, who is good looking and into cooking not comic books, who falls for the Penny character, Rosie, who is a sexy bartender (similar to Penny), though also very intelligent. Got it?

Okay, for those who have no idea what I'm talking about, The Rosie Project is a romantic comedy about a health-obsessed Australian geneticist with Asperger's who creates a compatibility test for finding the perfect mate and winds up falling for a sexy bartender who smokes. (Just trust me and pick it up. You won't be sorry.)

Books I Liked (Some More, or Less, Than Others)

The Fortune Hunter by Daisy Goodwin. Goodwin's subject matter and style harkens back to Edith Wharton and Henry James. So if you are a fan of either writer, or that genre, you will probably enjoy The Fortune Hunter (and Goodwin's previous novel, The American Heiress, which I also read and liked). The story takes place in late nineteenth-century England and involves young, orphaned heiress Charlotte Baird and her love interest, Bay Middleton, a dashing, and philandering, British rider and huntsman who is the pilot (a hunting term) for and we suspect paramour of Empress Elizabeth of Austria, who wants Middleton all to herself. A work of historical fiction, though filled with real characters and events -- well written, but I wished Goodwin had not distorted or changed so many facts.

The White Magic Five and Dime (A Tarot Mystery) by Steve Hockensmith with Lisa Falco. Reminiscent of The Spellman Files mystery series, which I greatly enjoyed. (Main character as well as the tone is very similar.) Cynical thirty-something woman, who works as a telemarketer in Chicago, gets a call that her estranged mother, a con artist, has died and left her her occult shop in a small tourist town in Arizona. She goes to claim her inheritance and winds up investigating her mother's murder and nearly getting killed herself. An often humorous mystery from the author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

One Plus One by JoJo Moyes. Hard-working, nearly broke single mum Jess, struggling to take care of her estranged ex's sensitive, artistic, Goth teenage son and come up with the tuition money to send her (and her husband's) daughter, a petite math prodigy to a good private school, winds up falling for a nerdy software developer -- who's been indicted for insider trading and who's life is falling apart, and whose vacation home she cleans -- who agrees to drive the family, along with their big, lazy, farting dog, on a crazy road trip to Northern Scotland so the little girl can participate, and hopefully win, a big math contest. Got it? British chick lit. Not my usual cup of tea. But endearing and charming. (I must be getting soft in my old age.)

Redshirts by John Scalzi. A witty/funny sci-fi/mystery that pays homage to the original Star Trek.

The Four Graces by D. E. Stevenson. Described as "Little Women meets World War II," which sounds about right. Set in 1940s England, The Four Graces introduces readers to the four lovely Grace sisters and their father, the local vicar, who live in a quiet, and quaint, English country parish -- and whose lives are changed by the war and the arrival of two new men and a meddling auntie. Originally published in 1946 and re-issued this summer. Read with a cuppa.

The Accidental Apprentice by Vikas Swarup, the author of Slumdog Millionaire. Twenty-something Delhi electronics sales girl Sapna Sinha is approached by a mysterious stranger in a temple who offers to make her the CEO of his billion-dollar company if she passes seven "leadership" tests. While Sapna is tempted by the money, she turns down the offer, repeatedly, yet circumstances force her to change her mind -- and launch Sapna on a series of adventures around Delhi, which lead her to question what it is she truly wants out of life. A fascinating, well-written Indian thriller.

The French House, a memoir by Don Wallace. I kept wanting to really like this book, and I sort of liked it, or the idea of it. I just didn't like or care for most of the people (who almost all came off as self-centered or self-absorbed or un-self aware, especially the narrator) -- and thought it could have used a bit more editing to smooth out the often jarring chronological jumping around. That said, I think anyone who has ever dreamed of buying a fixer-upper in a beautiful foreign country where they don't really speak the language will appreciate, and probably enjoy, Wallace's tale of his and wife's adventures in home ownership on the tiny French island of Belle Île, off the coast of Brittany, especially you Francophiles.

(Coincidentally, this weekend the House Hunting in... column in the The New York Times features a charming manse located in... Brittany -- a steal at only $1.03 million!)

Books I Didn't Like

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. A well-written horror story, couched as a mystery. A definite page turner, but I hated the characters, all of them, and the ending. Wish I'd never read it.

We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves by Karen Joy Fowler. I was completely beside myself with disgust reading this book -- and detested it so much I couldn't finish it. Cannot believe it was short-listed for the Man Booker. (Actually, I can believe it as I rarely have liked the books that make the cut.)

The Steady Running of the Hour by Justin Go. Another well-written book, in terms of the prose style, though overly long and drawn out in parts (i.e., rambling and boring, at least to me) and the ending pissed off not only me but seemingly every person on GoodReads.

The hardest 90 minutes of my life as a parent (to date)?

The hardest 90 minutes of my life as a parent (other than labor, which was the hardest 18 hours of my life)? Waiting to find out if my daughter passed her road test, to obtain her driver's license.

I think I was a bigger wreck than the teenager, who was pretty anxious and nervous. Which is why we had the spouse go with her. (His nickname, back in the day, was "the human Quaalude," for his immediate calming influence.)

The appointment, at her driving school, in a car she had taken lessons in, was for 7:45 a.m. So she and the spouse left the house at 7:20 a.m., to make sure she got there on time, which they did. However, she didn't actually start the test until 8:30. (WTF is that all about?)

Can you say nervous mother?

After pacing around the house, changing light bulbs, doing laundry, cleaning the cat boxes, wiping down ceiling fans, texting the spouse, for what seemed like an eternity, the spouse texted me at 8:50:

"Pass."

"Perfect score."

"THANK YOU JESUS," I texted back (even though we're Jewish -- though so was Jesus).

Now the teenager has to wait 48 hours. Then go to the DMV (again with the spouse) to get her actual license, which will entail waiting on another line, for at least an hour.

Then I will officially hand over the keys to my Mini Cooper and the real worrying will begin.

So, any words of advice from you fellow parents of teenage drivers? This is a whole new world for me, having grown up in Manhattan, where no one drove, at least not teenagers. And I am terrified.

UPDATED 9/26: It's official. The teenager is now licensed to drive. Got her license -- with a really nice photo! -- from the DMV this morning.

"Let's do lunch!" and other social lies

I admit it. I can be incredibly gullible, and naive.

For example, for years (and still even now, occasionally, even though I'm supposedly older and wiser) I actually believed that when someone said to me "Let's do lunch!" or "Let's grab a coffee!" or "Let's do dinner!" she (or he) meant it. And I would stupidly try to arrange a coffee, lunch, or dinner date with said person, often repeatedly, only to be blown off or stood up (every time).

What a rube I was (am).

What I didn't get, or understand, until recently, was that when people say "Let's do lunch!" etc. what they almost always mean is "I want to end this conversation -- or get away from you -- NOW, but I don't want to seem rude or impolite, or have you dislike me, so I will say something nice that will make you think I like you, so you will like me, like inviting you to have a coffee or meet for lunch, even though there is no chance in hell that I would spend an hour with you."

It's the same thing when people say "Call me!"

If they really wanted to talk to you, they would pick up a phone and call you, not ask you to call them.

At this point you are probably thinking one of two things (other than "Wow J., have you always been such a cynic?"*):

1. But, J., when I said "Let's have lunch!" I really meant it. At the time. But, you know, I have, like, a zillion things to do, and I spaced. And I didn't mean to blow you off five times. Really!

Uh huh.

Or

2. Really, it took you this long to figure it out?

I know. I am ashamed of myself.

Look, I get people are busy. And I am sure that some of you are totally sincere when you say "Let's  have lunch," etc. But if you don't really want to have lunch, or coffee, or dinner with me, or whomever, why put the invitation out there? Why not just say "Gotta go!" or "Bye"?

Maybe one of you psychologists or students of human behavior can help me out on this one. Maybe we could, you know, grab a coffee, or have lunch, to discuss it.

UPDATE 1: Of course, when I say "let's do lunch [or dinner or coffee]," I totally mean it.

UPDATE 2: "Email me" is just as bad, if not worse, than "Call me," unless the person doesn't have your email and he knows you have his. (Yes, I'm talking to you, guy on Twitter who was too effing lazy to email me his "great small business story idea.") Really bad? When someone emails you the message "call me."

*Yes.

Finally, some GOOD news!

I love Jimmy Fallon's feel-good segments on The Tonight Show. And I particularly loved this segment he ran last night titled "I've Got Good News and Good News," where he asked local NBC news anchors from around the country to read stories that would make us happy.



Thank you, Jimmy Fallon. I needed that. And I look forward to the next installment, where that guy who said he would call you, does, and we find out that brownies are, in fact, good for us.

If only local news made us happy every night.

Teaching an old broad new tricks

Every year in September, when my daughter goes back to school, I get restless. It's not that I want to go back to school (shudder), but I long to learn new things, to have my brain challenged (though perhaps not too much), and to meet new people who share my interests*. (Writing, especially writing from home, about the same thing, month after month, year after year, is lonely and mind numbing.)

So, for several years now, each fall, I have signed up for some sort of adult education class. One year it was jewelery making; another photography; last year it was drawing and bridge. While I haven't made any new friends (sadly), I have learned new skills and/or unmothballed some old ones -- and felt a wonderful sense of accomplishment.

Typically, I play it safe, picking classes I feel I will be good at, where I'll learn something but won't put too much strain on my brain. (I seriously underestimated the brain power, or memorization and rapid addition and subtraction skills, necessary to play bridge, however, even on the beginner level. Bridge is hard! Though I would love to find a friendly threesome I could play bridge with, preferably of my generation.)

This year, however, I decided to kick things up a notch -- and signed up for Pilates, advanced drawing, and beginner Italian.

Today I had my first Italian class. I really enjoyed it. The instructor is fabulous. But I was embarrassed and frustrated at how tongue-tied I was trying to speak Italian, even the simplest phrases! I was a straight A student in French and Russian! Then I remembered, Italian isn't French, and I'm not 16. (God, old age sucks.) And it's much harder to learn a new language in your 40s than it is in your teens, or even your 20s.

As for Pilates, which I started earlier this month, it's teaching my body a new language.

While I've been a gym rat most of my life, and have worked out with personal trainers, what I like about Pilates is that it combines strength training and flexibility with proper breathing and alignment and coordination (kind of like yoga) -- no deafening music that is de rigueur with spin and aerobic classes; and no flailing around in a classroom with 20 other sweaty women trying to figure out what the heck you are supposed to be doing.

I also really like working out on all the different Stott Pilates machines, many of which wouldn't look out of place in a torture chamber. (Fifty Shades of J.?) Best of all, not only is my body getting a good work out, my brain is, too.

Who says you can't teach an old broad new tricks?

Finally, to nourish my creative side, I'm taking a drawing class, the follow-up to last year's class. Hopefully, I will learn how to draw people and animals this session, two things I've never been good at. And who knows, maybe I'll make a new friend.

So, what classes are you all taking? Anything you'd recommend? (I'm dying to learn how to build furniture, but I don't have the time or patience at present, nor someone to teach me.)


*I am still looking for females to watch Giants and/or Jets games with me -- and go to Mets games with me in the spring.

Apparently "penis" is Chinese for "Swedish fish"

Did you hear about the cock up at the New Zealand candy company?

So Dutch Rusk, a New Zealand company known for its tasty variety of gummy confections, sold under the Dragon Sweets brand, gets five pallets of gummy candies from a supplier in China.

No big deal. Many companies outsource their manufacturing, even candy companies.

But in this case the Chinese manufacturer added a little something extra to each mixed bag of Dragon Sweets -- several gummy penises, which are considered good luck in China (as a sign of fertility and health).

However, many of Dutch Rusk's Dragon Sweets New Zealand customers, or rather their parents, were appalled at the thought of sucking down a phallic gummy.  (Or should that be a gummy phallus?)

And as soon as the complaints started to come, Dutch Rusk sprang into action, recalling the offending candies, apologizing to its customers, and offering them complimentary Dog Bones, Killer Pythons, Gummy Carrots, and Assorted Creams instead.

[Nothing phallic here! Move along, people.]