Why the Denver Broncos will win Super Bowl XLVIII

Why do I think that the Denver Broncos will defeat the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLVIII? I'll give you three (3) reasons.

1. Peyton Manning, the Super Bowl-winning quarterback of the Denver Broncos, who holds the record for both touchdowns and passing yards this season. And happens to be very funny (though I can't stand those Papa John's commercials).



2. Puppies. As we all know, puppies are hardly ever wrong when picking the winner of the Super Bowl. (They are also incredibly cute.) And this year, both Jimmy Fallon's puppies and Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl X puppies BOTH went for the Denver Broncos.



3. It is the Chinese Year of the Horse. Broncos. Year of the Horse. Enough said.

UPDATE: Who knew puppies could be so wrong? Worst Super Bowl ever. So disappointed. Though the Bruno Mars halftime show totally rocked. 

Best in-flight safety video ever? Like totally.

For those of you who haven't flown on Delta recently, the airline has been trying to endear itself to passengers -- and get more people to pay attention to in-flight safety protocol -- by producing whimsical in-flight safety videos, like this one which we saw multiple times as our plane had to make an emergency landing at JFK after burning off fuel for two hours and then being held at the gate for several more hours:



Now Delta has released a new safety video that pays homage to the 1980s, titled "Delta's 80's In-Flight Safety Video" (seriously, couldn't they have come up with a more creative title?), because "being safe never felt so Rad." (Gag me with a spoon.)



Clearly, Delta is making a play to old (or middle-aged) farts like myself, people who "came of age" or were "totally awesome" in the 1980s. But if Delta and the other airlines really want to endear themselves to customers, they should provide better service and stop nickel-and-diming customers with fees.

Also, Delta really should have used "Safety Dance" as the backing track.

S-s-s-s-A-a-a-a-F-f-f-f-E-e-e-e-e-T-t-t-t-Y-y-y-y....

For anyone who's ever been on a conference call

For anyone who has ever been on a conference call, this video, titled "A Conference Call in Real Life," is MUST viewing. So true.

(I laughed so hard, I cried, and they didn't even show guys watching porn or YouTube videos during the conference call!)



Makes you realize how much more efficient and productive a face-to-face meeting is* -- and how technology has made us (or some of us) a bunch of slackers.

Now excuse me while I jump on this call.

*in theory

I know how Google feels

People type a lot of crazy sh*t into Google. But watching this funny College Humor video titled "What if Google was a guy?" makes you realize just how crazy (or stupid) some search requests are -- and how incredibly patient Google is.

Indeed, I doubt if you or I was Google we'd be nearly so patient or accommodating. (Indeed, I'm pretty sure my standard response to most search requests would be "F@ck you" or "Are you effing kidding me?!" Which is why I am not a search engine, though some people think I am.*)

And now, without further ado, I give you, "What if Google was a guy?"


*To which I would reply, lmgtfy.

American Idol S13: I'm just wild about Harry (Connick, Jr.)

Congratulations, American Idol (and Fox). I'm back. Maybe.

Like so many other early American Idol fans, and Simon Cowell, I had become bored and frustrated with the show and had stopped regularly watching (and living blogging) it years ago. Indeed, last season was so painful (I'm talking to you, Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey), I couldn't even watch five minutes (though I wish Candice Glover well).

And then along comes Harry, and he wants to set them free, and let them see reality.*

FINALLY, a judge who is judgmental -- and honest. A judge who actually has the guts to tell singers "you're not the greatest singer" or that it's not just about the voice but about the whole package or that he loves their voice but they're not right for Idol. Wow. Harry, you got my vote.

Already, in just four hours worth of audition shows, Harry Connick, Jr., has earned the monickers Harsh Harry and Hatchet Harry. To which I would like to add Honest Harry and Hilarious Harry.

Maybe the producers should change the name of the show from American Idol to The Harry Connick, Jr. Hour. (Though if it did, it might lose the treasured 14-34 crowd, which it may have initially lost anyway as ratings for the premiere were the worst ever, down by around 20 percent from Season 12's premiere.)

I loved Simon Cowell, for his brutal honesty (and, okay, his British accent), but he wasn't a musician or a singer. Harry Connick, Jr., is -- as well as an actor. And he knows what it takes to make it in show biz -- and understands that being able to sing or play the piano or the guitar, even if you rock, is not enough.

To be an American Idol, you need charisma. And he's not afraid to tell contestants that they just don't have it. Connick is also not afraid to zing it to Jennifer Lopez. (Jen, I am impressed by the rocks that you got.) Or to Randy Jackson. (Jazzy and pitchy are not real words. We all know what they mean. But they're not real words. She was sharp.**) Hip hip hooray for Harry! Let's hope the honesty, hilarity, and chemistry (between the three judges) continues.

But the addition of Harry Connick, Jr., to the judges panel is not the only change to American Idol. While the contestants who received those yellow or golden tickets think they are off to Hollywood, they may not be -- thanks to the new Hollywood or Home round. A kind of pre-Hollywood Hollywood first audition, the contestants will have to sing for their airfare one more time before being admitted into the Emerald City. (Excuse the mixing of metaphors.) And there will be a couple more twists before American Idol goes live on February 26, which you can read about here.

If all goes well (i.e., the judges and contestants don't totally piss me off), I'll be back live blogging end of February (or beginning of March).

Until then, J-TWO-O out.

*Bonus points if you get the reference.
**Not an exact quote.

Is your man a man of action?

Does he require an, uh, extra large snack sack*? If so, he needs Action Pants! by Sansabelt, "the only slack with the patented Action Zone**!"

Yes, Sansabelt, ladies (and gents). The most comfortable pants a man can wear without (or sans) a belt! "Worn and beloved by celebrities, including Johnny Carson, Dick Van Dyke and Mike Ditka" -- and Ron Burgundy.

[I bet that poodle ain't the only bitch checking out his Action Zone, if you know what I mean.]

Makes me wish I was a copy writer back in the 1960s. Though if I was, no way would I be allowed to write copy for such a masculine, manly product. (Oooo polyester.)

Btw, that is, or was, an actual ad -- and you can still buy Sansabelt pants, in polyester or wool blend, at Sansabelt Pant World. Snack sack not included.

[A big tip of my chapeau to Gary for sharing this on Facebook.]

*Snack sack? Like for carrying, um, lunch meat?

**I don't know about all of you, but I would love to see the patent filing. Also, and I could be wrong here, I'm guessing that guys who would wear Sansabelt polyester pants probably did not see a lot of action.

Finally, an honest (+ very funny) movie trailer

Ever wonder, how is it that a movie that hasn't even opened yet managed to get so many great reviews? Or squinted at the television screen trying to figure out who exactly uttered or wrote (or tweeted) those laudatory words (because the film's promoters purposely made the attribution so tiny no one could actually read them)? Or wished that some movie studio would have the guts to promote its films honestly?

Well friends, that day has finally come. I give you the trailer for Muppets Most Wanted (opening in theaters March 21st!), which wasn't nominated for a single Golden Globe or Academy award (because technically it wasn't eligible, though that is entirely beside the point).



As for whether Muppets Most Wanted is actually any good (though I will probably rent it regardless), I will leave the last word, or words, on that to those unassailable critics, Statler & Waldorf.