The night the music died. Or the SUCKIEST American Idol EVER.

OMG. Was this some April Fool's joke?! Of all the nights to suck! This was the Idols chance to be CONTEMPORARY and GREAT, and most of them were neither.

And someone please point me to where the heck on "the top iTunes downloads" you can find "Play That Funky Music White Boy"?! I like the song, but really? I don't think that's been on any Top Pop chart in, oh, 30 years. More. Ditto the rest of them.

Send the whole lot home, I say. Okay, except for Danny Gokey and Kris Allen, who were very good. And I'm not even a Kris fan.

To quote Simon Cowell, it was DREADFUL. The whole evening.

Song choice, song choice, song choice, baby.

Really, Lil? That was the best song you could think of, something by CELINE DION? Come on, Dawg!

And while I know Scott MacIntyre is blind, I wasn't aware that the judges were DEAF. WTF were THEY listening to? Talk about a karaoke bar performance, and not a very good one at that.

I could barely watch -- or listen.

My prediction: Megan Joy is gone, though Anoop and Scott are not far behind her. (And listen Anoop fans, I like Anoop, but he doesn't have IT.)

J-TWO-O out.

What President Obama needs is an Easy button; Plus my picks for Car Czar

As President Barack Obama is fond of saying, he only gets the messy problems. "If it was easy, someone else would have solved it."

But I say, just give the man a Staples easy button.

Seriously, have you seen what those things can do?



So just imagine what an easy button could do for President Obama!

Need to organize the budget?

[Presses easy button.]

That was easy!

Need to solve the health care problem?

[Presses the button.]

That was easy!

Need to clean up that financial mess?

[Presses the button.]

That was easy!

Need to help the Detroit automakers come up with a bailout plan?

[You get the picture.]

And speaking of Detroit, I have the PERFECT candidates for Car Czar: Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers (aka Tom and Ray Magliozzi) of Car Talk fame.

Seriously, think about it. NO ONE knows as much about fixing automotive messes like these guys. And think of the press conferences and radio addresses! It would give Car Talk whole new meaning!

Are people who use Twitter Twits?

For those of you (hi Mom!) who may be unfamiliar with Twitter, the hot microblogging tool/service, here is the official definition from the Twitter website: "Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co-workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick [140 characters or less], frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?"

(Whatever happened to just picking up the phone?)


(Btw, I find it interesting that Twitter was unable to describe what it does in 140 characters yet expects others to describe what they are doing in that small space.)

But you want to know what Twitter really is? (I'm so glad you asked!) Twitter is a service for narcissists, the self-centered, and the self-absorbed, who feel it necessary to hyper-communicate their every move and connect with people of equal or (preferably) greater egos by broadcasting the answer to one simple question: Am I the most fascinating person ever or what?

Indeed, the beauty or genius of Twitter is not that it helps people connect with one another (which it indisputably does) but that it instantly confers upon the Twitterer, or, more appropriately, the Twit, a certain sense of self importance and celebrity.

Look at me! says your Tweet. Or, more accurately, in Twitter parlance, Follow me! Why? Because I am so incredibly interesting and important -- so much so that reading an article about me or reading my blog or having a Fan page on Facebook just won't do. You need to know what I am doing and who I am doing it with NOW!

Okay, folks. I get that celebrities (and others) have a hyper-inflated sense of sense, but time to get real. Think about it: Is there anyone out there that fascinating or newsworthy (or, as my good friend, G., says, "all that and a bag of chips") who necessitates you (or others) knowing their every move, besides, perhaps, for the President of the United States and Stephen Colbert?

I think not. And if you do think so, you need to get a life -- your own, and not some celebrity's.

And speaking of celebrities (and I use the term loosely), while there are many glitterati who actually use the service, many others, the folks who put the Twit in Twitter, aren't actually using Twitter, though you may think they are.

And you want to know why the likes of 50 Cent and Britney (and many others) can't be bothered to take 30 seconds to type a 140 character or less message to their followers (the new lingo for fans)? (Okay, I'm guessing most of you reading this don't give a hoot what 50 Cent or Britney is doing or not doing, but stay with me here, folks.) They're too busy (or lame).

Got that? There are people out there who consider themselves too busy or important to send a 140-character message from a computer or PDA or mobile phone, but expect others will have the time and inclination to read whatever they Tweet multiple times a day. So what's a busy narcissist to do? Why hire a ghost Twitterer (or Twit) to do their Tweeting for them! (FYI, should any of you need a ghost Twitterer, I'm available. Tweet me. Oh wait...)

All sarcasm aside, I am sure that there are some good, work-related uses/benefits of Twitter. I just can't think of any that replace sending an instant messaging, texting, emailing, a blog post, or, yes, picking up a phone. But feel free to leave a comment and disagree with me if you think I'm wrong. Better yet, send me a Tweet. ; )

Cats, laps, and laptops

I have a very healthy codependent relationship with my cat, Felix. I sit at the computer all day researching or writing articles (amongst other things), and Felix sits or sleeps quietly on my lap, keeping me warm (and company).

However, the other day, for whatever reason, Felix decided to forgo my lap and instead opted to curl up on my laptop.

This wouldn't have bothered me so much, except I was actually trying to get some work done. (Yes, jjv, I actually do work on occasion.) And Felix decided to rest his head and shoulders on my laptop's Caps Lock key.

SO I COULD ONLY TYPE LIKE THIS, WHICH I DON'T THINK MY CLIENT WOULD HAVE APPRECIATED.

WHEN I TRIED TO MOVE FELIX AND REGAIN CONTROL OF MY KEYBOARD, HE GAVE ME THE PAW.

SIGH.

I guess growing and/or selling marijuana was not the kind of "green" job President Obama was talking about

Once again, President Barack Obama is answering the big questions facing this country, like whether we should legalize marijuana.

Indeed, many pundits and journalists have been wondering for days whether the President would take the time to address what I like to refer to as "the Spicoli question" during today's digital/live town hall meeting at the White House. And they were not disappointed.

About halfway into the proceedings, President Obama stopped the regular questioning to address the two (albeit related) questions that thousands of concerned, eco-minded citizens had given high marks to in the Jobs category:

Popular questions:

"Should our government decriminilize [sic] marijuana, so that millions of new green jobs can be created, such as building fuel-efficient vehicles, and supplying pharmaceuticals for needy medical marijuana patients, and etc.?"
Green Machine, Winchester,Va

"I'm not a fan of smoking; however, I think legalizing marijuana could be good for our economy. Not only would it create lots of jobs for the public, it could help to boost the economy and get it going again. Could this be a possibility of the future?"
Shades of Grey, Tampa, Florida

"Help boost the economy"? Really? Well, at least junk food manufacturers and the Girl Scouts would see an uptick in sales.

"I don't know what that says about the online audience," Obama joked. But the answer, he said, was "no, I don't think that's a good strategy to grow our economy."

Duuuuuuude.

What Went On: American Idol Motown Night (abbreviated version)

Welcome Matt. You got it ON, Giraud.

And how sweet was Kris Allen?

I'm good 'n' 'Tyred of Scott.

Got no Joy from Megan. She better hope the voters need her.

Ah-Anoop, baby, baby.... It just wasn't that good for me, Dawg.

Good thing Michael Sarver ain't too proud to beg, cause he SUCKED.

I'm hot for Lil Rounds, but that performance left me lukewarm.

Take a good look at Adam Lambert. Not a hair looked out of place, and he had the audience, Paula, and Smokey in tears. (But I still think he's a bit of a clown.)

I was so ready for Danny Gokey. And while that performance wasn't outta sight, he did more than all right.

I know you're depending on me to tell you the truth, and Allison Iraheta was stone cold awesome.

My Final Four prediction after last night: Matt, Kris, Danny, and Adam

(Note: I really want Matt, Danny, Lil, and Allison, but I don't think the girls have a chance this year. Disagree? Lay it on me.)

UPDATED 3/26/09 AT 9:45 A.M.: For more on last night's American Idol, check out MSNBC.com contributor Craig Berman's commentary. He (like me) has been covering Idol for years, though this year he just seems to be regurgitating what the judges said. Also, DialIdol.com predicts that Scott, Megan, and Michael will be in the bottom three this week.

SLIGHTLY O/T, THOUGH STILL MUSICAL: Since yesterday I have had Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" playing nonstop on the mental jukebox. And I have NO IDEA what the video has to do with the song. I'm going to file this one in the same category as KC & The Sunshine Band's "That's the Way I Like It." Uh huh uh huh.

UPDATED 3/27/09 @ 7:45 A.M.: As predicted, Michael Sarver got the lowest number of votes and is heading back to family and rig. I would have preferred to have seen Scott go, but soon come. And I was floored that Matt was in the bottom two. Huh? Wha? And I even voted for the guy. Hmm... Until next week, Idol fans. (Btw, for the record, I watched the NCAA Basketball Tournament during most of Idol. Go UConn (who beat Purdue to move on to the Elite Eight)! Though the Pitt-Xavier game was darn fine basketball, too.)

Strange Love or: How I learned to stop hating and love Britney Spears. Plus Flo Rida takes me for a spin round memory lane.

It was a cold, gray morning, when I first heard it. I was driving to the gym, going through the presets on my radio, looking for something upbeat to help motivate me, when I heard it. That song with the catchy chorus that instantly sticks in your brain -- but you have no idea who the artist is or even the title.

Then, a day or two later, I heard it again, and still couldn't make out the artist or the title (or, really, the words). But it was so catchy, I wanted to hear it again. And then, finally, I did, Sunday, driving home from the gym. (I do all of my radio listening in my car, to or from the gym, which is about 12 minutes from my house, and a really boring drive.)

And then it hit me: Oh. My. God. Could that be... Britney Spears?! It was just a hunch, but I just knew in my heart I was right.

So as soon as I got home I jumped on my laptop (metaphorically, of course), and entered the only words I could make out/recall from the song -- all of the boys and all of the girls -- and sure enough, I wasn't the only one to Google them. And yes, as I suspected, the artist in question (and yes, I use the term artist loosely) was... Britney Spears.

I know what you're thinking (particularly you, Another David S.), and I don't disagree. But this... this... whatever it was, was bigger than me. And next thing you know, there I was on YouTube, watching "If U Seek Amy," Britney Spears' latest single/video.



But wait, there's more. (God, I am so ashamed. But I hear confession is good for the soul.)

After viewing/listening to "If U Seek Amy," which I really liked (the song, not the video), I checked out Britney's other new hit, "Womanizer," which... I also really liked.

Oh my God! Is nothing sacred?! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!

But getting back to Britney, is it just me or does she look, like, five years younger, happy, and in really good shape? You go girl!

Yes, yes, I know Britney has had her problems, but haven't we all? And isn't it time we separate or learn to distinguish a song from the singer? A good pop song is a good pop song. And it's not like I became a fan of Britney on Facebook (yet).

In other music news... I also recently happened to hear the new Flo Rida (pronounced Flow-RIDE-ah) song, "Right Round," which is way too naughty to include here. (Mamas, do not let your babies grow up listening to dirty rappers or rap songs.) But I bring this up because it samples one of my favorite songs/groups from my New Wave/Techno Pop phase in the early/mid-1980s, Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)."



Makes you want to run right out and get a disco ball, don't it?

Well, back to work...