Are people who use Twitter Twits?

For those of you (hi Mom!) who may be unfamiliar with Twitter, the hot microblogging tool/service, here is the official definition from the Twitter website: "Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co-workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick [140 characters or less], frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?"

(Whatever happened to just picking up the phone?)


(Btw, I find it interesting that Twitter was unable to describe what it does in 140 characters yet expects others to describe what they are doing in that small space.)

But you want to know what Twitter really is? (I'm so glad you asked!) Twitter is a service for narcissists, the self-centered, and the self-absorbed, who feel it necessary to hyper-communicate their every move and connect with people of equal or (preferably) greater egos by broadcasting the answer to one simple question: Am I the most fascinating person ever or what?

Indeed, the beauty or genius of Twitter is not that it helps people connect with one another (which it indisputably does) but that it instantly confers upon the Twitterer, or, more appropriately, the Twit, a certain sense of self importance and celebrity.

Look at me! says your Tweet. Or, more accurately, in Twitter parlance, Follow me! Why? Because I am so incredibly interesting and important -- so much so that reading an article about me or reading my blog or having a Fan page on Facebook just won't do. You need to know what I am doing and who I am doing it with NOW!

Okay, folks. I get that celebrities (and others) have a hyper-inflated sense of sense, but time to get real. Think about it: Is there anyone out there that fascinating or newsworthy (or, as my good friend, G., says, "all that and a bag of chips") who necessitates you (or others) knowing their every move, besides, perhaps, for the President of the United States and Stephen Colbert?

I think not. And if you do think so, you need to get a life -- your own, and not some celebrity's.

And speaking of celebrities (and I use the term loosely), while there are many glitterati who actually use the service, many others, the folks who put the Twit in Twitter, aren't actually using Twitter, though you may think they are.

And you want to know why the likes of 50 Cent and Britney (and many others) can't be bothered to take 30 seconds to type a 140 character or less message to their followers (the new lingo for fans)? (Okay, I'm guessing most of you reading this don't give a hoot what 50 Cent or Britney is doing or not doing, but stay with me here, folks.) They're too busy (or lame).

Got that? There are people out there who consider themselves too busy or important to send a 140-character message from a computer or PDA or mobile phone, but expect others will have the time and inclination to read whatever they Tweet multiple times a day. So what's a busy narcissist to do? Why hire a ghost Twitterer (or Twit) to do their Tweeting for them! (FYI, should any of you need a ghost Twitterer, I'm available. Tweet me. Oh wait...)

All sarcasm aside, I am sure that there are some good, work-related uses/benefits of Twitter. I just can't think of any that replace sending an instant messaging, texting, emailing, a blog post, or, yes, picking up a phone. But feel free to leave a comment and disagree with me if you think I'm wrong. Better yet, send me a Tweet. ; )