Well, it's a nice day for a writing 'bout a wedding -- Super QB Tom Brady marries supermodel Gisele Bundchen in twilight ceremony

Hey Gisele Bundchen what have you done?
Hey Gisele Bundchen who's the only one? (Tom Brady!)
Hey Gisele Bundchen who's your superman? (Tom Brady!)
Hey Gisele Bundchen who's the one you want? (Tom Brady!)
Hey Gisele Bundchen shot gun formation!

Well, I heard it was a nice day for a white wedding.

Yes folks, according to various reports, New England Patriots super quarterback Tom Brady and Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen tied the knot in "a romantic twilight wedding" in Santa Monica, California, last night.

Apparently, the bride wore ivory Dolce & Gabbana -- as did her three dogs.

So I guess technically it was an off-white wedding.

And speaking of "off" and "white" weddings, if you have not seen the latest "literal" take on a popular video, do check out this version of Billy Idol's "White Wedding":

White Wedding: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

[H/T to Kevin K. over at Rumproast]

Special Ash Wednesday blog post: You might not be repentant if...

In honor of Ash Wednesday and the season of Lent, a little Lenten humor, which I'd like to call "You might not be repentant if..."

You might not be repentant if...

All your prayers involve a certain Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.

You might not be repentant if...

You gave up your virginity for Lent.

You might not be repentant if...

Your idea of sacrifice means not Twittering, but you think emailing, Facebooking, and IMing are all okay.

You might not be repentant if...

You only gave up imported beer for Lent.



You might not be repentant if...

You think "fasting" means going over the speed limit.

You might not be repentant if...

You think almsgiving means spending your paycheck at an Indian casino.

You might not be repentant if...

Your idea of penance is reading your friends' blogs.

President Barack Obama could learn a thing or two from the trainers at SeaWorld

After all, if one can train a killer whale to roll over and jump through the air, how hard can it be to get a Republican to roll over and jump on the economic recovery bandwagon?

All you need is the right bait and some positive reinforcement and pretty soon you'll have those ornery Congresspeople and Senators falling in line.

Don't believe me? Then read writer Amy Sutherland's article, "What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage," about how she used tips gleaned from exotic animals trainers to successfully get her husband, Scott, to modify undesirable, unproductive behaviors. (Sutherland also wrote a whole book on the subject, Kicked, Bitten, and Scratched: Life and Lessons at the World's Premier School for Exotic Animal Trainers, which is being made into a movie starring Naomi Watts.)

Just think, President Obama, if an average woman can get her alpha male husband of over 12 years to start picking up his dirty laundry and stop hovering around her and second-guessing her, what you (no average man) could do with John Boehner and Mitch McConnell!

You just need to learn how to reward the behaviors you like and ignore the behaviors you don't, according to Sutherland and the exotic animal trainers. (And after all, aren't all politicians exotic animals?) Oh, and whatever you do, don't nag or sound self-righteous. "After all, you don't get a sea lion to balance a ball on the end of its nose [or Congress to pass major legislation] by nagging," noted Sutherland.

So may I suggest that for your next vacation, President Obama, you take the family to SeaWorld and spend a few days with the trainers there?

I am sure if you do that you will have those cats in Washington, D.C., toeing the line in no time...

And practically jumping for joy to pass key legislation.

Oh, the things you can see at the zoo

Can you scratch a little bit to the left?

That's some toothpick.

Here kitty, kitty...

Guess he was happy to see me.

Up next: SeaWorld (though am a little nervous about my affect on Shamu).

Westward Ho

Am heading to sunny SoCal for a few days, hoping to put a little bounce back in my step -- and see what may be worth bidding for on eBay*.



*Considering California is facing a $41 billion budget gap, I'm guessing pretty much everything is up for grabs -- or soon will be.

Despair is the new happiness

Finally, a cure for the annoyingly cheerful:



About effing time.

(H/T to friend of the blog Larissa for sending me a link to that video.)

And how about some DespairWear to go with your new attitude?

Have a mediocre day.

Can't figure out what to get your guy or gal for Valentine's Day this year? Never fear, J-TWO-O to the rescue!

Forget the flowers and the chocolates and the Hallmark cards this Valentine's Day. Instead, how about getting a little creative?

Like how about a little "personalized erotic fiction" -- that you can instantly mail? Yeah baby. You know what I'm talkin' 'bout. ; ) And so, apparently, do the people over at HoochyMail, "the first internet service that allows you to create a thrilling, explicit erotic fantasy about yourself and your special someone, doing all sorts of exciting and sexy things, in all sorts of exotic and interesting locales!" (Which, in my house, would mean me watching my spouse vacuum the kitchen floor. Ooo, I am getting hot just thinking about it!)

Or maybe your special someone would like a pair of personalized panties or briefs. In which case, click on over to Blume Girl, which makes custom underwear for guys and gals (as well as babies and dogs).

Or what about a cute pair of PJs for your dream girl, guys, from Pajamagram? (Sorry guys, perky breasts not included.)

Or for you geeks out there, how 'bout some "Proximity Based Geek Lovin'" in the form of the ThinkGeek 8-Bit Dynamic Life Shirt?



(The spouse actually got us the shirts a couple years ago, but I am ashamed to say we have yet to wear them.)

Or to help stoke those erotic fantasies (see "HoochyMail," above), how about giving her (or him) some luscious chocolate-covered strawberries? Mmm mmm, that looks tasty. (And remember, dark chocolate is good for you!)

Just can't be bothered? You can still give my favorite gift, which lasts a lifetime (or at least a few minutes) and costs nothing: Look into your loved one's eyes and say "I love you."

UPDATED AT 4:20 P.M.: Commenter "Kay the Jeweler" thinks my last suggestion is a cop out, which it is. So may I suggest, instead, you get your beloved a nice poster for Valentine's Day?