How to pick the next President of the United States

It's time to change the way we vet and elect our President.

Forget debates and town halls. Forget appearances on late-night talk shows. And forget the electoral college. (Seriously, does anyone understand how the electoral college even works?)

If we want to truly get Americans involved in the electoral process and pick someone who will best represent we the people, we need to change the process. We need to have presidential candidates run for office in a way that Americans will understand and watch.

What we need is... a presidential reality TV show.

We can call the year-long reality TV show, The Amazing Presidential Race, with the election taking place during November sweeps. What could be more perfect for our talent-show-, Kardashian-, and Houswives-loving times?

But The Amazing Presidential Race would be more than just a political obstacle course. It should also include a test of knowledge, a la popular quiz shows, such as Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? and Jeopardy!

So all candidates running for President would have to go on special week-long (or longer) presidential editions of both Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? and Jeopardy! with Jeff Foxworthy and Alex Trebek, respectively, asking the candidates questions about U.S. History, European History, the Middle East, Economics, the Constitution, Math, and other topics that a fifth grader, or, really, a high school graduate, or someone applying for citizenship, or certainly someone running for President of the United States, should know, as well as more difficult questions. Wouldn't that be way more entertaining than what we have now?

Lastly, I propose a talent portion, a la American Idol, where each presidential candidate has to go before a panel of judges (think three Simon Cowells) and present his or her vision for America, which the judges will then critique and then we, the people, get to vote for, via Facebook, Twitter, some special app, phone, or text message. I guarantee candidates will get way more votes than they would have under the current system. And we would get a much better sense of what our candidates are made of.

So, who's with me?

Nothing to laugh about

I started this blog, nearly eight years ago, as a way to amuse myself and, hopefully, some of my friends and family members. I had some funny stories to tell -- and I wanted to share my thoughts (and, okay, snark) about the 2008 presidential election and American Idol.

 Despite the financial crisis and other bad things going on in the world, I remember feeling hopeful -- and was excited to share my thoughts (about politics, books, bikinis, and sports, among other things) and hear (or read) yours.

And while the economy is technically no longer in crisis, and we don't have daily terror alerts, I no longer feel hopeful. And I find little to laugh about.

I am sick and tired of and depressed about living in a world that glorifies people like the Kardashians, and makes celebrities out of people who are willing to do all sorts of horrible or ridiculous or crazy things for 15 minutes of fame or a million dollars -- and that there are millions of people who eat this stuff up and cheer them on. 

I am sick and tired of and depressed by the fact that you can go broke being sick and tired and depressed in this country.

I am sick and tired of and depressed by all the gun violence and our inability to pass reasonable gun control laws.

I am sick and tired of and depressed by the Republicans in Congress who are so consumed by hatred for Barack Obama (and the Democrats) that they refuse to pass legislation that could help millions of Americans, including their constituents.

I am sick and tired of and depressed by all the lies Conservative talk show hosts and politicians spew, and that so many people so readily believe them.

I am sick and tired of and depressed by the fact that women have to choose between having a career and having a family -- or being "a good mother."

I am sick and tired of and depressed by the high cost of college.

I am sick and tired of and depressed by what has happened to journalism, or what now passes for journalism, and the decline (or elimination) of fact checking. 

I am sick and tired of and depressed by all the narcissism and self absorption in our society.

And I am depressed by the lack of civil discourse in this country -- and knowing that soon after I publish this post someone, probably someone I know, is going to leave an anonymous comment ranting and raving about Obama and the Democrats, and/or defending Americans' right to own hundreds of guns (which is not what I wrote), and spewing all kinds of hate and inaccuracies.

Dirty Dancing with the Stars?

At last, the cast of Dancing with the Has-Beens -- I mean Stars -- Season 11 has been revealed (soon to be reviled)! And I know you all will be as thrilled as I was to learn that Jennifer Grey, aka Frances "Baby" Houseman, would be among this season's cast members (even though I have never seen Dirty Dancing).

And as we all know, no one puts Baby in the corner. Not even Dancing with the Stars.

Could this be a glimpse of things to come?



If so, I pity poor Derek Hough (who I heard was to be her dancing partner).

Other "stars" who will be cha-cha-ing, waltzing, and jiving on this season's DWTS are Bristol Palin (note to DWTS producers: Being a single teenage mom does not make you a "star," far from it), former Knight Rider and Baywatch "star" David Hasselhoff, crooner Michael Bolton, and semi-professional tanning artist Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino from the Jersey Shore.








I am not a fan of Dancing with the Stars, but I may have to check out a few episodes this season, just to see if Jennifer Grey still has it.

Some Saturdays I really miss "The Love Boat"

Maybe it's because it's Saturday, or maybe it's because every time I see or hear about Dancing with the Stars I'm always reminded of it, but I miss The Love Boat (Cruising with the Stars?).

Remember The Love Boat, which aired Saturday nights on ABC from 9 to 10 p.m. (followed by Fantasy Island, which was a little too scary/creepy for me) from the late 1970s through the 1980s? There was Captain Stubing (Murray from the Mary Tyler Moore Show gets a big promotion), and Doc (aka Seigfried from Get Smart), and Isaac, the bartender, and Gopher, the ship's purser (who went on to become a Congressman), and Julie, the cruise director (who went on to snort a lot of cocaine), and all the "stars" (mainly B-list actors, singers, comedians, or "celebrities" trying to jump-start or salvage their careers -- just like on Dancing with the Stars!) who would come aboard the Pacific Princess (a real live cruise ship -- making The Love Boat one of the first "reality" TV shows!), looking for love or adventure each week? God, I loved that show (that is before that little bitch, Jill Whelan, came aboard as Captain Stubing's daughter, Vicki, and Lauren Tewes' coke habit resulted in her walking the plank).



I bet those "stars" on Dancing with the Stars WISH the Love Boat still existed, too. Talk about a cushy gig. Not only did you get paid to go on a cruise but no grueling dance rehearsals and no one judging you week after week (though if they were on The Love Boat, I'm pretty sure Tony Dovolani would have thrown Kate Gosselin overboard shortly after they set sail, so I guess in some ways Dancing with the Stars has its advantages).

Now what do we have to look forward to on Saturday nights? Nuthin'. (Though tonight Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy is on ABC.)

UPDATED: Wow. I JUST found out that the cast of The Love Boat will be reuniting at the upcoming TV Land Awards, airing on Sunday, April 25. More here.

Obama Mania - The Sequel, Hurricane Bill (not Clinton!), Idol and DWTS news, plus ENOUGH with The Jacksons and Jon and Kate

Just spent four blissful days on Martha's Vineyard (aka "the summer White House") visiting with good friends and was (pretty much) blissfully unaware of what was going on on the mainland or even on the island, except that President Obama and his family were about to visit Martha's Vineyard and Islanders were suffering from an acute case of Obama mania.

Everywhere you went there was some store or restaurant showcasing its Obama-themed wares and/or Obama-themed menu items in the hopes of making up for an otherwise less-than-great retail season. (Anyone for an Obamarita?)

The only other "news" story that really crossed my radar while we were away was "Hurricane Bill," because we are all about the weather. Of course, when I first saw the headline re "Hurricane Bill" I immediately thought "Uh oh, what has Bill Clinton done NOW?" But, much to my (and I am sure Hillary's, though not the island of Bermuda's) relief, this Hurricane Bill is just a bunch of hot air (oh wait) -- I mean, the first hurricane of the Atlantic season, and currently a Category 2 storm.

Equally distressing (okay, not equally, but still distressing), I just discovered that for some reason The Jacksons are STILL in the news, as are Jon and Kate. ("Viewers' sympathies swing from Jon to Kate"!)

In other breaking "reality" TV news, former Conservative House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-TX) will be on (oh-so-wrongly-named*) Dancing with the Stars this season (as will Donny Osmond, Macy Gray, Aaron Carter, Melissa Joan Hart, and Kathy Ireland, to name just a few), while, sadly, Paula Abdul, who may be returning to American Idol after all (yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus), will not be.

And that, I believe, is enough for one blog post. (Happy now, Powaqqatsi? ; )

*For the sake of truth in advertising, the show should really be called Dancing with the B-List Actors, Models, the High-Profile Football Guy (this year's entry, Michael Irvin!) and/or Race Car Driver, and People Who Are Trying to Jump Start Their Careers (which may be redundant).