Who names these hurricanes? 2022 Edition

Every year, the World Meteorological Organization, which is based in Geneva, Switzerland, comes out with a list of hurricane names. They do so in order to simplify communication about these life-threatening storms. (For the history of hurricane naming, read this article from the National Ocean Service.) 

Maybe it's because the World Meteorological Organization is based in Geneva. Or maybe it's because it's hard to come up with over 20 new names ever year. But I can't help feeling I would do a better job naming hurricanes. Take this year's list of hurricane names, for example, which are as follows: 

• Alex
• Bonnie
• Colin
• Danielle
• Earl
• Fiona
• Gaston
• Hermine
• Ian
• Julia
• Karl
• Lisa
• Martin
• Nicole
• Owen
• Paula
• Richard
• Shary
• Tobias
• Virginie
• Walter

You cannot name a hurricane Bonnie and not name the next one Clyde. I mean, come on! Colin? Seriously? What were the Swiss thinking? 

And where's the o in Hermine? Hermine? Really? Though I like the idea of a Harry Potter theme. You could name the hurricanes after Slytherins and/or various villains. You could have Bellatrix for B, Crabbe for C, Draco for D, Gilderoy or Grindewald for G, Narcissa for N, and, of course, V would be Voldemort, the hurricane that should not be named. 

As for the other names on this year's list, I don't know about you but I get the feeling it was a Swiss guy who picked Danielle and Virginie, perhaps to get back at former girlfriends. Though I think Gaston is a great name for a hurricane. No one blows like Gaston! Wipes out homes like Gaston! No one's as frightening with lightning and thunder like Gaston! 

Anyway, here's hoping we don't have to use all of the names, and if we do that none of them reach Category 4 or 5 or stay offshore. 

Hurricane names have gotten ridiculous

I don't know about all of you, but to me a hurricane should sound fierce not friendly. It should have a name that strikes fear into people, like Loki or Odin or Thor -- or Hera or Poseidon or Zeus. Not sound like someone you'd hang out with at a sports bar or your grandmother played mahjongg with.

But for some reason, the World Meteorological Organization, the body that names Atlantic and Pacific hurricanes, keeps giving hurricanes chummy names. And this year is no exception, as you can see by the list of 2021 Atlantic hurricane names: 

1. Ana
2. Bill
3. Claudette
4. Danny
5. Elsa
6. Fred
7. Grace
8. Henri
9. Ida
10. Julian
11. Kate
12. Larry
13. Mindy
14. Nicholas
15. Odette
16. Peter
17. Rose
18. Sam
19. Teresa
20. Victor
21. Wanda

Seriously, Bill, Fred, and Larry? Do those sound like intimidating names to you? Why not Curly, Larry, and Moe if you want to go there? And Elsa, Ida, and Rose? Were you playing canasta when you came up with those? 

And Henri? Who effing names a hurricane Henri? Is it a French hurricane? Will it have a beret? Come on, meteorologists!

Now granted, you can't name hurricanes the same names year after year. And maybe all of the good names -- names of Greek, Norse, Roman, and other gods or fierce mythical warriors -- have already been used. Though I'm pretty sure they recycle names that haven't been retired. But I think we can do better than Danny, Elsa, and Mindy. 

I mean, what would you name a hurricane? I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be Teresa. (Got a name suggestion? Leave it in the Comments.) 

In all serious though, I hate hurricanes. And I hope this year we have a mild hurricane season, with no Category 4 or 5 storms coming ashore and wreaking havoc. 

Wishing you fair weather, this has been J. with a special meteorological blog post.