Smells like tween spirit

Last Thursday was Meet the Teacher day (or hour) at my daughter's middle school, and I swear you could smell the hormones -- and pheromones.You would think these girls hadn't seen each other in 10 years, not 10 weeks. And the preening! Yikes!

And along with the additional homework that seventh grade entails has come additional demands from the resident adolescent female. Seriously, I am starting to feel like a hostage negotiator -- except I am the one being held hostage.

First up, she wants her ears pierced. (I had promised her years ago that when she turned 12 she could get her ears pierced, so I probably have to pony up on that one.) Second, she wants a new bed. And a new mattress. And a new desk and chair for her bedroom. And a new chest of drawers. (Thankfully, She Who Will Not Be Ignored said she is fine with the paint color -- lilac -- and her rug, which is also lilac.) We told her that we would accede to her wishes if or when we could sell or give away her current bedroom set, which is in excellent condition. (Though we caved and said we would take her IKEA -- just to look -- this weekend.)

NOTE: Anyone looking for a great wooden loft bed with matching fitted storage system = small chest of drawers, book shelf, and pull-out desk? Would be perfect for a child 3 - 9, male or female.

Also, she would like more iTunes. And a whole new wardrobe for fall.

On this last point, the spouse and decided to give her a prepaid debit card. So this year, she will be doing her own shopping, albeit escorted by Mom. If she blows all her money on one or two purchases, too bad. (Must. Be. Strong.) So we told her to do some research online, pick a few stores, and let me know where she wants to go shopping so I can look for coupons beforehand. (Note: We are buying her a good pair of sneakers and a good pair of shoes for day-to-day wear, and underwear, and her winter coat and boots, but the rest of it she's responsible for. And if she wants more stuff, she's going to have to babysit or pet sit for it, or wait until Hanukkah.)

And in case negotiations fail (or scientists do not quickly invent a teenager vaccine), I told the spouse to reserve a room for me at Silver Hill Hospital.

Pray for me, people.

Which is why cops should stick to donut shops

Alternate title: An Officer and a Gentleman's Club.

Some stories seem just too dumb to be true. And this cop story would be one of them. (Btw, the double entendre* department worked overtime on this one.)

But I bet the deputy who was fired for allowing a scantily clad waitress from the Twin Peaks Restaurant ("Twice as much fun as other restaurants!") to pose with his great big gun (on his official vehicle) wishes he had just gone to the McDonald's drive-thru after that training session now.

What I want to know is how the waitress got a hold of the deputy's rifle. Did she ask him if she could handle his weapon or did he ask her to squeeze his big gun? And who thought it was a brilliant idea to take a picture of said scantily clad waitress posing with said rifle on said deputy's official vehicle?

Clearly, the officer deserved to be fired, for stupidity.

Btw, for those of you unfamiliar with the phrase double entendre, which is French, here's the definition, courtesy of the Urban Dictionary.