We're all a little racist, y'all. Does that mean we should be fired?

So as many of you know, this past Friday, the Food Network announced it would not be renewing the contract of its popular Southern chef Paula Deen. The Food Network did not provide a reason, but most people assumed it was due to the revelations that Deen had repeatedly used racial slurs, including the "N word," and told racist jokes in front of and to employees at her restaurants.

Personally, I thought the Food Network should have fired Deen years ago -- for crimes against arteries and the pancreas, or, more specifically, for concealing the fact that she had Type 2 diabetes for four years, due to her incredibly unhealthy lifestyle, which she encouraged millions to emulate, and only revealing the fact that she had Type 2 diabetes and had changed her diet after she had inked a lucrative deal with drugmaker Novo Nordisk. That, to me, and to thousands of other Food Network viewers, ruined any kind of goodwill I had in regard to Paula Deen.

That Paula Deen occasionally told an off-color joke or occasionally used a derogatory word in the company of fellow white Southerners? Not so much.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning racism -- or sexism. But there is a difference between telling the occasional politically incorrect joke (which WE ALL have done) and truly believing that one race or sex or religion is superior or inferior to another.

But even if Paula Deen was proven to be a racist (and I'm not sure how you'd do that), or have racist opinions, is that grounds for being fired? Maybe if you are an elementary school teacher. But the host of a Southern cooking show? (And, btw, the Food Network did not fire Deen. It just decided not to renew her contract at this time. Which means it could re-sign her at any time. Which it may very well do.)

By the way, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if Fox, a network that seems to consider racism, sexism, ignorance, and intolerance job qualifications not disqualifications, gave Paula Deen her own cooking show. Nor would it surprise me if the Food Network re-hired Deen a few months or a year from now. Because as we all know, what's a little racism compared to big ratings, y'all?

THIS JUST IN: Smithfield Foods, the world's largest pork producer (and here I thought that was Congress), has just fired Paula Deen as its spokeswoman. The reason? Per a company statement, Smithfield "condemns the use of offensive and discriminatory language and behavior of any kind." (I'll believe that when pigs fly. I think it's just one more company jumping on the politically correct bandwagon.)

Charlie Sheen, the Next Food Network Star

When I first heard about this Funny or Die video, titled "Charlie Sheen's Winning Recipes," I thought it was a joke. But I actually think Sheen may be onto something here. After all, if the (former) drug-using, chain-smoking, manic Anthony Bourdain can have a successful show about food and cooking, why not (former?) drug-using, chain-smoking, manic Charlie Sheen? Winning!

Anyway, take a look at "Charlie Sheen's Winning Recipes" -- and tell me that you don't think Food Network should not snatch this guy up pronto.

Charlie Sheen's Winning Recipes from Charlie Sheen

Seriously, Sheen could be the next Emeril Lagasse. Just replace "Bam!" with "Winning!"

I want my HGTV -- and Food Network (UPDATED 1/23/2010)

For those of you who live outside of the Greater Metropolitan New York Area (i.e., not in New York City, New Jersey, or Connecticut) and thus are not slaves to Cablevision (or have a life) the fact that Cablevision and Scripps Networks are currently in a pissing match and as a result Cablevision -- with only a few hours notice -- dropped both HGTV and Food Network last night at midnight probably makes little or no difference to you.

But for those of you like me and little J-THREE-O (think of the children, people, the poor innocent children!), who developed a real appreciation for food and cooking and began trying all sorts of new things after watching Food Network, this is DEVASTATING news. Devastating.

Okay, let me put this a way you men will understand and appreciate: No more Food Network means no more Giada De Laurentiis bending over a hot pot several hours a day. Capiche?

On a more personal note, without House Hunters I have no idea what the spouse and I will do at 10 at night.

So if you are a Cablevision customer and want your HGTV and Food Network back, click here to send an e-card to Cablevision.

Btw, I do NOT put all the blame for this on Cablevision, though the spouse and I have ZERO love for the Dolan family (who are responsible for the recent Knicks debacle). There are always two sides to a story. And while we can (happily) live without most of the programming on Food Network (and HGTV), we really wanted to watch the "Iron Chef America Super Chef Battle," featuring Bobby Flay, Mario Batali, Emeril Lagasse, and White House Executive Chef Cristeta Comerford, Sunday night.

So please, Cablevision and Scripps, for the children (and, okay, the rest of us), bring back our HGTV and Food Network.

Thank you.

UPDATED 1/4/09: This just in from The New York Times:

"The Food Network costs distributors 8 cents a viewer on average now; Scripps wants a roughly 300 percent raise, according to people briefed on the negotiations. That might seem drastic, but 30 other channels, some with lower ratings, already earn that much. “We were really, really undervalued,” said Brooke Johnson, the president of the Food Network.

"For ardent fans of “Iron Chef America,” the Food Network is undoubtedly worth 25 cents a month...."

For more on the cable debate -- and why your cable (and satellite) bill is going to go up again -- read this.

UPDATED 1/9/10: Per Bobby Flay, the Iron Chef Super Chef Battle will be rebroadcast Sunday, January 10, at 8 p.m. ET on WPIX Channel 11 in the NYC metro area as well as on Hartford Channel 20 (WTXX). New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut Cablevision customers/Food Network fans rejoice! More here.

UPDATED 1/23/10: I am happy to report that Cablevision and Scripps worked out their differences (basically they split the difference) and Food Network and HGTV are now back on the air (as of Thursday night). To learn more about the negotiations, read this. Btw, Cablevision customers, expect to see an increase in your cable bill next month (as if it wasn't high enough).