Tuesday, April 21, 2009

American Idol gets disco fever

Burn baby burn.

I just pray that tonight's American Idol competition is not a disco inferno -- and I do not self destruct. (At least we didn't have to sit through painful back stories in addition to the incredibly painful performances. Or some washed up '70s has been.)

Lil Rounds
Is Lil every woman? I don't know, but she certainly didn't cast a spell, nor read the judges thoughts. While no Chaka Khan, she wasn't awful, just not good enough to win it, dawg. Gotta say the judges nailed it on this one. Next!

Kris Allen
And he's got the guitar. And he's singing "She Works Hard for the Money." Does he know what the song is about?! More importantly, why didn't Lil sing Donna Summer?

Uh... uh... uh... I just don't know what to say. It was sort of like a weird reggae/easy listening version -- kind of Jason Mraz meets Donna Summer, though not as good. That performance did nothing for me, dawgs, but clearly the ladies liked it. And Simon. And Randy. (For the record, I got Paula's comment about shopping in the ladies department.)

As I've been telling anyone who will listen, Kris could very well win this competition, not because he's the best singer (he isn't) but because of the remaining contestants, he's the most marketable.

Danny Gokey
Will you remember the twenty-first night of April? Or Earth, Wind, and... Danny? Maybe Danny should have worn a bright, shiny outfit, cause something about this performance is just not setting me on fire. The boy can sing, but he's just not the Danny I fell in like with early on in the competition. Like Simon said, I didn't see "star" written all over that performance.

Allison Iraheta
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKE. WHAT IS GOING ON TONIGHT?! Did the contestants all get strung out '70s style before the show went on air? Was that the Courtney Love version of "Hot Stuff"? Seriously, who chose that arrangement? That was "Lukewarm Stuff" at best, and I usually like Allison. As Randy said, "that was a little over indulgent for me," dawg, though, of course, just to spite me, Simon loved it.

As my friend, V., just wrote me in an email: "A more clothed hooker -- this is a 16 year old??? If she was Chinese (gymnast) I would ask for birth cert." You said it, sister.

Adam Lambert
"If I Can't Have You"?! No "Stayin' Alive" or white poly suit?! I demand a refund! And what is that on his pinkie, a giant snake?! And there we have it, folks, the Adam Lambert-Led Zeppelin shrieking trill. Sigh.

I realize I am in the minority here, but it totally sounded like just about every other performance Adam's done the past few weeks. Yawn. It was totally predictable, unmemorable (except for the hedgehog on his head, though even that wasn't that unpredictable), and totally lounge lizard. Though I, like Paula, predict Adam will be in the finals. Duh. (And before the haters start flaming me, I think Adam can sing, I just find his performances incredibly indulgent and at this point unoriginal.)

Matt Giraud
No. No. No. What is this, Freaky Tuesday? Sit down, Paula. Adam was supposed to sing "Stayin' Alive." I had it all worked out. Though I guess it could have been worse: Anoop could have sung it. Will this performance help Matt to stay alive for another week? Don't think so, dawgs. Gotta say, I'm 90 percent with Simon on this one (and still surprised Simon agreed to save him).

Anoop Desai (aka "Anope")
It's Donna Summer night! Poor Donna Summer. I hope at least she's getting some royalties, cause that's all she's getting from these horrendous karaoke/cruise ship performances.

Please, could someone dim the lights AND THE SOUND?

That was truly horrendous. And pitchy, pitchy, pitchy.

I don't care that this top seven can sing. They are the most boring, worst song pickers EVER.

What the heck was Kara listening to? And what exactly did the producers put in her Coca-Cola cup? "I'll have what Paula's having"?!

Thank God for Simon! (Words I never thought I would utter.)

Send them ALL home, I say, and put me out of my misery.

UPDATED 4/23/09 AT 7:00 A.M.: And then there were five. Buh-bye to Anoop and Lil, the latter really disappointed me (and Simon) by getting worse instead of better each week. I really thought, at the beginning, Lil was going to win it -- or get close. This whole season, though, has been a disappointment to me. Definitely a better crop of singers, on the whole, but the worst performers/most boring group ever (except for Adam). Bleh.


Anonymous said...

Wow J-really harsh! There were some sweet spots in the Inferno.

Yep-Adam has gone soft a couple of times, but he gives us a range and is always anticpated.

I loved Kris! For the same reasons you didn't-weird huh?

Can you see Gorkey on the Grammys-me no.

Three are on the bubble (Anope, Matt, and Lil) Whatever the order it is over for them!

TommyMac71 said...

Can you PLLLLLEEEEEEAASEEEE post 2 blogs on Tuesdays??????

I'd rather watch Susan Boyle undress than to know anything about Idol....

Otherwise, great blog! How are you J??? :)

marindenver said...

LOL, had a meeting tonight and although we taped Idol my husband is now watching Schindler's List on the DVR set (which will apparently not be over until next Thursday or something) so maybe sometime tomorrow I'll get to watch it! But your preview was good. Give you my impressions later (when nobody is reading this anymore probably.)

Anonymous said...

Just can't get into Idol this year. It's lost its lure and is boring and painful to watch. Thanks for the fun recap, though.

J. said...

You'd rather watch Susan Boyle undress, Tommy?! While I can barely watch Idol at this point (am totally with Anonymous #2), I don't think that's a palatable alternative. Oh, and thanks for the visual. Not.

Btw, I will have another post up midday re Earth Day.

And Marindenver, your comments are always welcome here, and I will read them. : )

Noonan said...

As an American Idol newbie all I can offer is the Adam dude seems a cut above the rest. It's really not even close.

J. said...

Where's the cute little pufferfish icon, Noonan? As to your observation, you are correct in terms of showmanship/stage presence/experience re Adam. And he'll probably win it. But the sad thing is that the other contestants can actually sing. They've just done a totally sucky job of picking the right song and selling it.

marindenver said...

Well, picking the right song is pretty key to being successful in the music business. I love Lil and would like to see her succeed but I'm thinking her future will probably be with her church choir. (Of course that didn't hurt Susan Boyle any!)

Adam was good but phoned it in a bit this week and last. Probably wise, though, to save himself for the finals. Right now it's pretty much down to Adam. v. ???

And Kris is probably the only other real contender. Matt and Anoop should be gone this time. I think Allison will hang in until Top 3.