Want a guy who knows how to put out fires? Elect this guy:

Smokey the Bear 2008.

Teach your children well, so they won't go through their parents' hell: A financial primer for kids

It's times like these when we can learn a lot from "Gilligan's Island," not only about resourcefulness but also about how to stay out of financial trouble.

How is that, you ask? Hark ye back to the castaways' musical version of Hamlet, where the Skipper, playing Polonius, sang (to the tune of the "Toreador Song" from "Carmen"):

Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
Do not forget: Stay out of debt.
Think twice, and take this good advice from me,
Guard that old solvency.
There’s just one other thing you ought to do,
To thine own self be true.

Following are some additional tips to share with your children, to help keep them out of debt. (Grownups could also profit from them.)

* Do not spend more than you make or have.

* Do not count your money -- or spend it -- until it is actually in your bank (or brokerage or money market) account.

* Do not borrow money unless you are sure you can pay it back, with interest.

* Do not borrow more than you absolutely need, if you have to borrow it at all.

* If or when you get a credit card, pay off your balance in full each month.

* If you buy a house, make sure you can put down at least 10 percent of the purchase price and earn or have three times the monthly mortgage payment. If you can't do/afford that, rent.

* Make sure you have enough money saved so if or when something bad happens (you lose your job or can't work), you will be okay for at least six months financially -- or longer, like eight to 12 months, if you are supporting a spouse and/or children.

* Remember those less fortunate and give to charity. It doesn't have to be much, especially when your children are young, but it's a great habit to start early.

I am sure there are many other good tips. And if you would like to share your common sense financial tips for staying out of trouble, feel free to do so in a comment. These are just the ones I recently shared with my daughter after explaining the current market meltdown (though the market rebounded today), what a mortgage is and why so many people are in trouble because of some bad ones, and the tight credit market we are experiencing. Quite a lot for a 10-year-old to absorb -- even for us reasonably financially savvy fortysomethings.

Where was the bailout plan for the Mets?!

Why is Mr. Met sad? Because the Mets SUCK! They blew it. Once again, they blew their divisional lead in the last 17 games of the season -- and lost, once again, to the Florida Marlins, a bunch of FISH!, blowing what was left of their chances to make it to the National League Playoffs. But no. Done. Over. Last game at Shea Stadium. Ever. No playoffs. Feh.

Oliver Perez?! You call that a bailout plan? Joe Smith? Puh-lease. Stokes, Schoeneweis, Ayala, Feliciano? What a bunch of wusses. We needed a pitcher, not a bunch of belly-itchers.

Hey, I saw Tom Seaver at Shea the other day. Why didn't Jerry Manuel have Seaver pitch one last game? I bet the old boy still has a few good changeups and knuckle balls. Or what about Ron Darling? He looks to be in OK shape. Heck, my 10-year-old nephew could have probably pitched a better game than these supposed "relievers" and "closers" the Mets currently have.

You know how I spell relief? Sure as hell ain't S-M-I-T-H. Try R-O-L-A-I-D-S -- and make it the family size pack.

I say Jerry Manuel should have started Johan Santana, screw no days rest. Just PATHETIC. And I type this as a Mets fan from way back (though not since their founding, as I wasn't born then, but the post-Seaver 1970s and pre-1986 World Series Mets). Even the Mets usually reliable hitting just wasn't there today.

So now, as a result of some bad investments and trades, hundreds of thousands of Mets fans are suffering around the world, and there is no amount of money that can repair the damage or restore us to our prior glory.

Maybe if the other Major League Baseball teams had acted in time and sent the Mets some relief pitchers this disaster could have been averted. But now, what's done is done. And we're just going to have to rebuild in the off-season and wait until next year. In the mean time, Go Cubbies!

And in totally unrelated news... For those of you who did not see Tina Fey once again portray GOP VP candidate Sarah Palin being interviewed by "Katie Couric" last night on Saturday Night Live, check out my newly updated blog post, "Tina Fey for VP," which features the video clip.

It's debatable

Here is my takeaway from last night's presidential debate: we're screwed.

It wasn't that Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) or Senator Barack Obama (D-Illinois) were awful. I thought they both did an okay job. But that is precisely the problem. Okay is just not good enough, not for me, not with what's going on here in the United States and abroad right now.

I was really hoping that last night one of the senators running for president would get me really excited and/or make me feel really confident that the country would be in really good hands come January 2009. But frankly, I don't know if anyone could do that at this point, not with a $580 billion (and counting) war going on, a $700 billion bailout looming over us, and trillions of dollars in debt. But to paraphrase Donald Rumsfeld (yes, I am shocked as you are), as you know, you have to go to vote for the presidential candidates you have, not the presidential candidates you want.

But the candidates' answers to moderator Jim Lehrer's question (which I am paraphrasing) about what each candidate would cut or delay as a result of the $700 billion (or however much it winds up being) bailout just left me cold, or at best lukewarm.

On the bailout and all the other "lead" questions, I felt that Obama was more articulate and thoughtful in his answers -- and showed he had done his homework and came prepared for the debate. I also admired his ability to keep his cool when attacked by McCain (or else he really is a Vulcan, though I did see him smile occasionally) and not get flustered or obviously irritated.

McCain on the other hand, while not as articulate (check the transcript), was far more engaging, even though what he was saying did not always make sense or was something I agreed with. But the way McCain spoke, as well as his body language, showed caring and passion, which I think a lot of American people are looking for and probably need right now. Though McCain's obvious irritation (the constant smirking) really, really irritated me. (Also, was it me or did McCain look like the whitest guy you have ever seen, like Ultrabrite white?)

The bottom line is: If you came into the debate supporting or leaning towards McCain, you left that debate still a McCain supporter -- and will no doubt claim he showed that Obama. If you came into the debate supporting or leaning towards Obama, you likewise probably turned off the TV still an Obama supporter -- and will no doubt state, when or if asked, that Obama clearly had the edge. So let's just call it a wash. I don't think this debate was, as the pundits like to say, a "game changer."

Btw, if you missed last night's debate or would like to watch it again, go to http://www.mydebates.org/, a collaboration between MySpace.com and the Commission on Presidential Debates. And remember, the vice-presidential debate takes place on Thursday, October 2, at Washington University in St. Louis, and will be moderated by Gwen Ifill, and the next presidential debate is on October 7, and will be moderated by Tom Brokaw.

As for me, I am crawling back into bed and pulling the covers up over my head.

Everything you ever wanted to know about tonight's presidential debate (but were afraid to ask): a brief Q and A

Q: I heard John McCain has agreed to participate in tonight's presidential debate in Oxford, Mississippi. Does this mean that the financial crisis has been resolved and a bailout plan agreed upon?

A: Financial crisis? What financial crisis? The fundamentals of our economy are strong! Oops. That was last week. Today's answer is "no." But the McCain camp acknowledged significant progress had been made on the bailout plan -- since McCain left the Capitol.

Q: Who is moderating tonight's debate?

A: The McCain campaign -- I mean, Jim Lehrer, the executive editor and anchor of PBS's NewsHour.

Q: What is the focus of tonight's debate?

A: How many times McCain can contradict or reverse himself -- I mean, foreign policy and national security, though moderator Jim Lehrer has said he is free to ask questions about the current financial market/mortgage crisis.

Q: Do you think a lot of people will be watching tonight's debate?

A: Depends on how many baseball and college football games get rained out. But I will go out on a limb here and say "a lot."

Q: What does Barack Obama have to do in order to "win" tonight's debate and convince working class and the wealthiest Americans that they should vote for him?

A: Change his skin color -- or perhaps have a pastor from the Wasilla Assembly of God Church perform a blessing over him beforehand. Seriously? (Though actually, I was being serious. Just ask Former-Tennessee-Congressman-Couldn't-Get-Elected-as-Senator Harold Ford about the skin color thing.) Okay, seriously, Obama needs to keep saying what he's been saying but say it with some emotion or "fire."

Q: Does tonight's debate even matter?

A: Probably not, according to at least one political scientist who's researched the subject. But it could be entertaining and informative nonetheless.

Q: Do you have any suggestions for how to make tonight's debate more entertaining?

A: Just in time (before the liquor stores close), I received this suggestion from blog reader "Lietzy": "I think I am going to play a drinking game during the debate -- and drink every time McCain says 'my friends.' That will ensure that I will be good and wasted by the time it is mercifully over." Excellent advice, Lietzy.

Got a question re tonight's presidential debate? Post it as a comment here and I will do my best to answer it.

NEW Q: Blog reader Dave S. asks, What time is tonight's debate?

A: Good question! It begins at 9 p.m. Eastern Time, Dave. And *bonus answer* you can catch it on all three networks as well as on FOX, CNN, and MSNBC.

ANOTHER NEW Q: Blog reader TommyMac71 asks, "If I cannot watch the debate... from which media source [can] I get a reliable recap?"

A: Much as you would like me to say "The Daily Show," Tommy, it won't be on until Monday night, though I am sure Jon Stewart will have something (many somethings) to say. In the meantime, if you wish to catch a replay of the debate, for those of you outside the U.S., CNN will be replaying the debate at 9 a.m. GMT Saturday. And no matter where you are, you can catch the debate on www.mydebates.org, a collaboration between MySpace.com and the Commission on Presidential Debates, both as the debate is airing and afterwards for several days.

Shocking new campaign allegation: Barack Obama is a Vulcan!

At first, I didn't want to believe it either, but the proof is overwhelming. Inability to display emotion? Check. Alien-sounding first name? Let's see... Tuvok... Sarek... Spock... Barack... Check. Speaks in almost a monotone? Check. Lives by reason and logic? Check. Amazingly calm under pressure? Check again.

And if that were not enough evidence for you, just take a gander at this:

I rest my case. Barack Obama is a Vulcan.

(Clearly, that whole "father from Kenya" story was just a cover-up. In reality, Barack's father was an emissary from the planet Vulcan who mated with Obama's mother, as well as other humans, during his brief stay here on Earth.)

On the plus side, would you rather have a president who can render our enemies unconscious with a Vulcan nerve pinch or a guy who seems as though he's been nerve pinched one too many times?

Large Hadron Collider not responsible for financial black hole; the Mohegan Sun report; and why Friday's presidential debate should go on as planned

As some of you may already know, the Large Hadron Collider, over near (or rather under) Geneva, Switzerland, has been shut down for at least two months due to a) a broken 30-ton transformer that cools the system and b) a large helium leak that has caused scientists and technicians to speak in falsetto voices for the last few days.

As a result, the Large Hadron Collider has not been able to collide anything, meaning (and it pains me to type this) there is no way it can be held responsible for the black hole that is currently sucking up (or down) the world's financial markets. That black hole, which has been rapidly expanding, despite government efforts to contain it all costs (or at least $700 USD), I am afraid, was caused by the collision of other forces, mostly economic in nature.

Equally, if not more, disappointing, scientists will now have to wait at least a few more months to test how long it would take the particle accelerator to defrost a pizza.

I know, I know: You are as disappointed as I am, though perhaps not more so than the intrepid editors over at Scientific American who "made an estimate based on the rate and energy of particle collisions when the machine's two beams meet head on" as to how fast the LHC could defrost a pizza.

Based on certain suppositions (which you can read about in the article, which I link to above), it would take 30 nanoseconds to defrost a frozen DiGiorno's Microwave Rising Crust Four-Cheese Pizza, though, theoretically speaking, the collisions required to heat the pizza could unintentionally create a black hole and suck the pizza into another dimension or just vaporize it.

In other news... I won $100 (actually a bit more) in just a couple of hours yesterday at Mohegan Sun. And my buddy, G., won almost $400! Talk about a good return on your investment! And let me tell you, I had waaaay more fun playing blackjack (with a CPA and a college computer science professor and my buddy) than I've had watching my money managers gamble with my savings the past few months. My outing at Mohegan Sun was also more profitable.

Finally, as many of you have probably now heard, earlier today Republican presidential candidate John McCain called for postponing Friday's presidential debate (the first of three scheduled debates) until the resolution of the financial mess on Wall Street, and also vowed to suspend his campaign to concentrate on finding a solution.

While I honestly believe McCain is dedicated/committed to finding a quick and even bipartisan resolution to the current Wall Street crisis, I agree with the Boston Globe that this is (in some part) a stunt to delay the upcoming presidential debate this Friday.

Barack Obama, who had phoned McCain this morning to discuss issuing a joint statement regarding the current financial crisis, had no idea until this afternoon that McCain wanted to delay the first debate -- and rejected McCain's call to do so, stating: "It's my belief that this is exactly the time when the American people need to hear from the person who in approximately 40 days will be responsible for dealing with this mess," adding, "I think that it is going to be part of the president's job to deal with more than one thing at once."

I agree, as has, apparently, the Commission on Presidential Debates, which, as of this afternoon, had not heard from anyone in the McCain campaign and said it was going forward with the debate as scheduled.

Will the debate go forward as scheduled? Will the Large Hadron Collider go back online before the year is out? Will I quit my day job and become a professional gambler? Stay tuned...