Michael Jackson still dead. Mark Sanford still governor of South Carolina. Sarah Palin still talking. Senator Al Franken seated.

And there you have it, folks: All the news of the last week (or so it would seem if you only watched or read the mainstream media) condensed down into less than 140 characters (for all you Twitterers and people with short attention spans). You're welcome.

Really, is anyone suprised...

that professional athletes (cough*Alex Rodriguez*cough) take steroids, even after they've denied it?

when politicians are caught cheating on their wives (cough*Elliot Spitzer*cough*Silvio Berlusconi*cough*John Edwards*cough*Newt Gingrich*cough)? (There are plenty more names I could add to that list, but I barely have breath and Robitussin left as it is.)

to learn that Victoria's Secret models have fake boobs (excuse me, surgically enhanced breasts)?

that the media exaggerates and manipulates the news for ratings (cough*swine flu*cough) or is biased (cough*Fox News*cough)?

that Kirstie Alley gained back all the weight she lost on Jenny Craig -- and swears she will lose it again?

If so, wake up, people! Stop being so naive!

Oh, and have a nice day. : )