A little Mother's Day advice

Whoever said "father knows best" must not have had a mother.

So herewith, a little advice from some moms on Mother's Day.

First up, some Mother's Day advice from some Jewish mothers (and grandmothers):



[H/T to Molly and Molly's friend, David.]

(I loved the definition of "a genius" -- an average student with a Jewish mother. Though I know plenty of Catholic mothers who would define it the same way. ;-)

Next, what moms really want for Mother's Day, via Jimmy Kimmel Live:



For the record, I made myself (and the spouse) pancakes this morning, even though the teenager offered to make them. And they were delicious.

One last thought -- or piece of advice -- from this mother: Mother's Day should not be about celebrating the person who gave birth to you but about celebrating those who mothered you and cared for you when you needed it.

The mother of all days

I am typing this from the bathtub of our hotel room. No, I am not lounging in a bubble bath with one of those chic metal trays for soap and a book as would be befitting on Mother's Day. Rather, I am sitting on a towel, in a cold, hard, dry enamel tub, which is in desperate need of re-grouting, because I do not want to disturb the spouse and daughter, who are still sleeping. And when I am done writing this post, I will probably wander down the hall, in my Mets shorts and white t-shirt, to the Starbucks and give everyone in the lobby a thrill get everyone breakfast. Because that's the kind of mother I am.

I know: Where's my medal?

But today's post isn't about me (though let's be serious: all of my posts are in some way, shape, or form all about me). It's about all the great (and not-so-great) mothers out there who made us possible. (Dads, you'll get your turn next month.)

So here's to all the moms who get up early and make sure their kids have a good breakfast each morning; get them to their six zillion after-school and weekend activities week in and week out without ever complaining; help them with their homework and to study for tests; provide a shoulder to cry on, and a kind word when they are feeling down; who nurse them back to health when they are sick; get a warm, healthy dinner on the table each and every night; and read to their children or sit with them before they go to bed every night -- and to all the rest of us poor slobs who thank God each night for making it through another day, without having killed one (or more) of their offspring. This blog post is for you.

Wishing all of you a very happy Mother's Day.

Fun Mother's Day Gift Ideas

Mother's Day is just a few days away, people. And for those of you still looking for that perfect Mother's Day gift, I highly suggest you head over to Proflowers pronto.

For those more creative types, may I suggest...


The "Because I'm the mother... that's why" magnetic notepad from Anne Taintor . Or perhaps the "Has anyone seen my hormones?" pill box.

Is mom the crafty type? Loves to knit or crochet or needlepoint? How about a Stitch 'n' Bitch book?

Got a Jewish mother or mother-in-law who loves to cook? (That, by the way, is a rhetorical question.) Get her the "Nosh Now, Kvetch Later" kitchen apron.

And for the mom who has fond memories of drinking Champagne out of a shoe, consider the Domestic Diva Monogram Wine Shoe, which is a whole lot more sanitary.

As for me, all I want for Mother's Day is for my daughter to clean her drawers and closets (which are stuffed with doodled-on papers, gum wrappers, broken toys, and odds and ends) and refrain from complaining while I am awake. And, okay, maybe some dark chocolate-covered strawberries or a few really good dark chocolate truffles. (It's like he named them just for me. ;-)

Mother's Day Gift Ideas She'll Really Appreciate

Tired of giving mom the same old gifts for Mother's Day? This year, forget the flowers, the picture frames, and the gift cards and try one of these four J-TWO-O approved Mother's Day gifts. (Sorry Mom, I bought your Amazon.com gift card before I wrote this post. Maybe next year.)

First up, from Stupid.com, Understand Your Mother Instantly Breath Spray, a gift both you and your mother will appreciate (or not):

"Sometimes it seems like mothers speak a different language. At any given moment, it's hard to tell what they're saying or what they want. [Ain't that the truth.]

"Well, thanks to modern science and vivid imaginations, you can now instantly understand your Mom. All you need is this Understand Your Mother Instantly Breath Spray!

"Imagine: Your mother is muttering something that sounds like, 'Dear, please wear that blue dress I bought you.' Naturally, this makes no sense to you. But after you take a toke of the Understand Your Mother Spray, you'll realize what Mom just said: 'Dear, put on that dress that makes you seem dumpy and unattractive so I don't have to worry about you getting picked up by some playboy who will probably get you pregnant and leave you stranded in a bus station in Wichita Falls, Texas.'

"How does the spray work? Well, we really don't know. Perhaps the peppermint flavor activates special receptors inside your brain. Or maybe it works because you want it to work. It really doesn't matter... anything that may help you understand your mother is worth a try."
















Next up, how about a personalized video featuring Mom as 2009 Mother of the Year?

Just go to http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/index2.html?p= and enter Mom's name and email address as directed to create your own personal Mother of the Year card, brought to you by Moms Rising: Breadmakers and Breadwinners.

(Btw, if for some reason that first link/URL doesn't work, click on the "Moms Rising" link above and follow the instructions at the top of the MomsRising.org Home page.)

For the mom who is in control, or who'd like to be, I highly recommend the "Control Your Man" talking remote.


















The Control Your Man Remote features 18 sayings including the following:

• "The Queen speaketh!"
• "Time to listen!"
• "What about my needs?"
• "What were you thinking?"
• "Whoa, ever hear of foreplay?"
• "Kiss me, you fool!"
• "Just tell me you love me!"
• & more!

Lastly, for the mom who's a real cut-up or likes to cook...

How about a five-piece stainless-steel knife set with unique holder?

Want more unique Mother's Day gift ideas? Check out Baron Bob's.

Wishing all you mothers a very happy Mother's Day...