Are you an askhole?

Know someone who always asks you for advice -- and either ignores it or does the opposite, like, all the time? Well, apparently there is a name for that type of person. It's askhole.

[H/T to Larissa]

Everyone knows one (or two). And, okay, we all have probably been guilty of being an askhole at one time or another, about something. (Guilty.)

However, I would argue there is a difference between asking someone to be a sounding board, or occasionally asking someone for her opinion or advice and not necessarily following it and constantly asking someone for advice only to constantly ignore it and do whatever it was you were planning on doing or buying anyway.

That effing drives me crazy.

This card is for those people. (And I am very tempted to print it and hand it to people when they ask for my advice.)

[For those who can't see the image, it says "Please don't ask for my advice if you're just going to go fuck up your life anyway." To which I say, amen.]

Moral of this blog post: Don't ask for advice unless you really want it.

When the obvious, easy, or simple solution isn't

I like to think of myself as a rational, logical being. Someone who values facts over fiction or emotion. Who goes looking for the truth -- and the most obvious or straightforward or simplest solution to a problem.

I'd like to think that I am not alone. But increasingly, I feel like I am alone. A Vulcan among... Earthlings. And I simply don't understand (well, I do, but I don't) the following.

Guns. They are a problem. A big problem. Personally, I think ownership should be highly restricted, as gun ownership is in the UK. That isn't going to happen here in the good ole U.S. of A. But why can't we at least mandate background checks, 24-hour waiting periods, strict (low) limits on ammunition, and severely restrict the ownership of weapons that inflict mass destruction? The only arguments against doing these highly logical things, which, long ago even the NRA supported, is purely political -- and irrational (or emotional).

Healthcare. Everyone should have it. And it should be simple to get and to keep and to administrate. This is not a fantasy. It is totally doable. Except for politics and an irrational fear of government or governance.

Taxes. You like having drivable roads, safe bridges and tunnels, good schools, your mail delivered to your door (or mailbox or post box)? You want to feel protected in case of attack, be it by man, things man-made, or nature's fury? You need to pay taxes. As my late father, a registered Republican, used to say, "If everyone paid their taxes, we'd pay less in taxes." So true.

But the tax code is so frickin' complicated, and changes every year, and there are so many loopholes, it's no wonder people don't like taxes -- and think they are unfair. Is it so hard to come up with a simplified system where everyone pays his or her fair share? (Apparently the answer is "yes." Not because it isn't possible to create such a system but because it is politically impossible to implement such a system.)

Decent-paying part-time work. It's been over 40 years now since Women's Liberation movement and women began entering the workforce in large numbers. And yet the government and business have done very little to accommodate, aid, promote or recognize the changing nature of families or the reality that many (most?) women now work, or want or need to work.

What happened to flexible hours? Telecommuting? Job sharing? Why haven't more (most) businesses created part-time tracks for women and men, or made it easy(ier) for employees to telecommute or work flexible hours?

Btw, I'm talking for men and women here. It's been 40 years, people. We are losing too many good, smart women -- mainly moms (and daughters of aging parents) -- who want to work but don't want to or can't work 50 hours a week at a job an hour or more away. And too often those jobs barely pay for childcare. It shouldn't, and needn't, be this way.

Childcare. Good help shouldn't be so hard, or expensive, to find. Governments, schools, and businesses need to do more to help working families by providing safe, affordable places for children to go after school and during school holidays when or if their parents are working. I know good, or decent, affordable childcare exists in some places, but it needs to be universal.

Climate Change (the condition previously known as Global Warming). The climate has been changing. And not for the better. Things have been heating up (though it often doesn't feel like that here in the Northeast). And we are losing land and lives.

And we humans are not helping. Indeed, we are the problem. Or a big part of it. But we could be the solution. Except most of us are too selfish or self-centered to give up our SUVs and gas-guzzling/emissions spewing vehicles, or to drive less, or to live in smaller houses closer to one another, or reduce our consumption of products that pollute the environment.

Sadly, if everyone just did a little bit -- drove more fuel-efficient cars, turned down the AC just a bit, used energy-saving light bulbs and remembered to turn off the lights and their TVs and other things when not in use, re-used and recycled -- we could slow down climate change.

I could go on, but I won't. I need to conserve my energy.

Teaching your daughter the facts of life

First a couple of quick disclaimers:

1. By "facts of life" I am not referring the 1980s TV series The Facts of Life. Though you could learn a lot about the facts of life by watching The Facts of Life.

2. I am also not referring to sex, though you really should talk to your child about sex at some point, preferably before they have it.

No, what I am about to refer to are the real facts of life -- or, perhaps, more accurately, the realities of life. Those unpleasant realities that we all encounter, at some point, which make us gnash our teeth and stomp around and complain.

Well, forewarned is forearmed, I say. Herewith, six realities of life. (Listen up, girls. Guys too.)

1. Life is unfair. Deal with it. You may be the best and/or the brightest. You may do all the right things. That doesn't mean you will be successful or rich or happy. Unless you are really good looking. Good looking people have been shown (or proven) to get more jobs, more money, and more promotions. Though that doesn't mean they are happy!

2. Honesty isn't always the best policy. Yes, yes, yes, we all know that lying is bad and no one should do it. But sometimes a situation calls for a fib, or a white lie, to protect someone's feelings -- or your ass from winding up in a sling. Just don't let me catch you lying to me!

3. Cheaters sometimes prosper, but eventually they get caught (most of the time). Cheating (e.g., copying homework, plagiarizing, using someone else's test results or Cliff Notes) is wrong and dishonest. When you cheat, you don't learn. Sure, it's the easy way out, and you probably see people doing it at school, who get As or awards, and you think, "Why didn't I cheat instead of blowing a whole weekend studying?!" But the reality is that while lots of people cheat, and often get away with it, they are missing out -- and eventually they get caught. And it typically doesn't end well.

4. It's not what you know but who you know. (See 1.) As most of us have learned the hard (or, perhaps, the easy) way, who you know -- aka networking -- is typically more effective at getting you a job or a hard-to-get reservation or ticket than what you know. So as you go through life, work hard, but also take the time to cultivate people -- teachers, parents, friends, coworkers, bosses. Be polite and helpful -- and don't be afraid to ask for help, an introduction, or a reference. Just be prepared to do the same -- and remember to say "thank you."

5. Most people suck at time management, aka, People (or their lives) are messy and disorganized. Don't take it personally (when they don't email or text or call you back). As someone who prides herself on being organized and efficient and a logistics whiz, who immediately returns emails, texts, and calls, this lesson was very hard to learn -- and I'm still working on the "don't take it personally part." But trust me, kid, you will be a whole lot happier, or saner, if you just assume that most people are bad time managers and will not get back to you, possibly ever. If it's important, you follow up with them. Repeatedly, if necessary.

6. Guys, especially teenage guys, typically go for girls with nice (or big) boobs -- and tall, skinny blonde girls with pretty faces. True, there are some exceptions to this rule. Unfortunately, I can't think of any right now. See Rule 1.

There are probably some gems I am missing. If you all think of any, please feel free to add it or them to my list via the Comments.

UPDATED 7/9/14: Just thought of one more.

7. No one cares. Unless you are famous. Most people are self-centered and self-absorbed. They don't care about your (seemingly petty) problems. Unless you are famous. Then everyone cares.

Has the Golden Rule become tarnished?

You remember the Golden Rule, right?

No, not the Saturday Night Live sketch featuring Justin Timberlake, Andy Samberg, and Lady Gaga.

I'm talking about doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. (Then again, Justin and Andy may have a point.)

Or maybe you don't remember the Golden Rule.

Or maybe you're a masochist -- or work in customer service at a health insurance company or at the department of motor vehicles. Which, I guess, is pretty much the same thing.

Whatever the case, despite what scientists say about gold not tarnishing, I can't help feeling that the Golden Rule has lost its luster.

And I'm not just talking about awful customer service. Though it always amazes me how clueless or unhelpful or uncaring people who are supposedly in the business of helping customers can be. And these are often the same people you hear complaining about being kept waiting or being given the run around. (Karma much?)

No, I'm talking about basic common courtesy -- like saying please and thank you, responding to phone calls and emails within 24 hours (unless you are on vacation or on a business trip and have no access to email), offering your seat on a bus or on the subway to an elderly or disabled person, giving compliments, praising a job done well or an accomplishment, not showing up late for stuff or texting someone that you'll be late when you are already 15 minutes late.

I get that some people are busy -- and in many cases email and social media and so-called "smart" phones have made things worse not better, bombarding the organizationally challenged with too many inputs. But how long does it take to say please and thank you? How long does it take to reply via email "Hey, got your email. Will respond at length later" -- or just send a quick response? How much effort does it take to say, "That dress looks great on you" or "Great job on that presentation" -- or to make sure you show up on time?

When did we forget or stop caring about the Golden Rule?