Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Just say "no" to men in Speedo*

As many of you may have already heard or read, Alton Towers, the "UK's most thrilling theme park," recently decided to ban one not-so-thrilling attraction: men in skimpy Speedo bathing suits or similar form-fitting swim trunks.

"We feel this small brief style is not appropriate for a family venue so we are advising male bathers to wear more protective swimwear such as shorts," said Alton Towers Resort sales and marketing director Morwenna Angove. "We are also looking into offering complimentary male waxing, which will ensure we preserve the dignity of all our guests."

Although the resort is getting flack from certain female patrons (supposedly), the press, and the offending Speedo wearers, I say, amen. And I believe I am speaking for the majority of women when I say, Unless you are an Olympic swimmer or diver or male underwear or swimwear model (preferably in an Olympic venue or on a photo shoot, respectively), please keep your junk to yourself (or display only in the privacy of your home).

For the record, while I am anti-Speedo bikinis and thongs on men I am all for (or pro) a little manscaping and/or back waxing.

This has been a public service announcement.

*bikini and/or thong swimwear


Anonymous said...

And it is usually the 14 month pregnant guy that thinks he looks stylin in it-ick.

Anonymous said...


Dave S. said...

UK bans Speedos:
Probably the best way to
Keep the Germans out

Mona said...

What guy looks good in a Speedo..? Every time I see a guy with one on my Corneas get burned. I agree with "please keep your junk to yourself (or display only in the privacy of your home)."

TommyMac71 said...

So it's ok if a model wears one and his junk is 12 feet in Times Square, but if he's ugly or heavy, not ok?? Hmmm, sounds like a double standard....

J. said...

So true, Anonymous #1, so true.

@Dave S.: Good point.

@Mona: I hear ya!

@TommyMac71: Good point. Correction: It is also not ok for anyone (model or anyone) to display his junk, especially supersized junk, in Times Square, including you, Naked Cowboy. : )

Powaqqatsi said...

On a related topic, can we also say "no" to young men who wear their pants between their crotch & their knees such that 75% + of their (sometimes less than clean) underwear shows as well as their gluteal "generation Y" symbol for all for creation to see????

EMM said...

Non model/Olympian Speedos are scary! I'm certainly not a beach babe, but what about obese ladies in bikinis? Will they be banned too? Oogy is oogy.

David T. said...

Manscaping was news to me.

J. said...

@Powaqqatsi: Done!

@EMM: Ditto -- and goes for thongs (male and female). If you must wear them, at least cover up (i.e., wear clothes over it).

@Dave T.: Me too! When I first heard the term "manscaping," I thought it referred to back waxing. Ha!

larissa said...

Speedo: not ok
Manscaping can do wonders
I still want a s'more

Anonymous said...

I prefer a speedo to traditional "board shorts" which tend to dry slowly and cling to my legs and sometimes pull in unfortunate ways that require constant readjustment when I get out of the water. I'd prefer to go nude, but that's usually not acceptable.

If swimming, the speedo is much better. But I keep some shorts handy for walking around in. Need those pockets for keys and cash.

As for double standards, yes. Women can wear a swimsuit that gives an opaque display of their labia piercings, but men's genitals are covered as if the Taliban designed their swimsuits.

As for complimentary waxing, that's got to hurt some of the women who paid to alleviate their issues. That's a total double standard, especially with the price of waxing.

Jeff said...

Feh. Puritans.

I mean, you might as well call a bikini top "showing your breasts".