First up, the Hoodie-Footie Wild Style Leopard.

Under no circumstances are you to get me this. Got it, Tiger?
I think you ladies will agree with me when I say WTF?! What am I, eight? Seriously, what grown woman wears footy pajamas -- with ears and a tail? (Hope you didn't have one specially monogrammed for me, honey.)
Thanks, but no thanks, Pajamagram.
Next on the Valentine's Day no-no (or should I say non-non?) list, the Sexy Little French Maid outfit from Victoria's Secret:

While I have been known to do windows, I will not be doing you if you get me that outfit. Comprenez, mon amour? (Seriously, I think Victoria's Secret needs to set up a "Mistress" and/or "Role-Playing" section on their website.)
Finally, while I love a good hard salami, I do not want to get one for Valentine's Day, even if you throw in flavored cheese and fudge.

Okay, I believe my work here is done.
*Though a little dark chocolate mousse or a moist piece of chocolate cake with raspberry filling would be nice.
Pun-tastic.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember reading anything after French Maid...
ReplyDeleteI am so getting you monogrammed Hoodie-Footie for your next birthday!
ReplyDeleteI WAN THE LEOPARD JAMMIES!!!! (for my costume collection)
ReplyDeleteOops, just remembered you don't want to know what sort of woman wants these gifts. Better sign this as Anonymous
;-)
@Anonymous, you are the exception to the rule. Do they deliver to New Zealand? ;-)
ReplyDelete@Sugar Daze, along with a half-dozen cupcakes, I hope.